The Aristocrats 2017

Don with daughter Ivanka . . . so close.
Don with daughter Ivanka . . . so close.

You may remember the 2005 documentary The Aristocrats, in which an impressive array of comedians including Rodney Dangerfield, Chris Rock and Sarah Silverman discuss a famous dirty joke.

The set-up and punchline of the joke never vary, but what happens in between is up to the twisted imagination of the teller. It starts with a man or a family walking into a talent agent’s office and talking up their great act. Asked for details, the man recounts or the family performs a routine replete with scatological humor, twisted sex acts, obscenity and sometimes bestiality. The dumbfounded agent asks, “What the hell do you call this act?” The response is “The aristocrats.”

Some of the versions told in the film are almost impossible to stomach. But none of them come close to the obscenity of the faux aristocrat we now have living in the White House.

Who would have imagined a Fifth Avenue billionaire – or so Donald Trump claims to be – who lusts after his own daughter, and brags of being able to force himself on women because of his “stardom,” winning the presidency?

During the campaign, the man who now occupies the Oval Office made a not-so-veiled reference to the size of his penis, and hectored Hillary Clinton during a debate for returning late after a break, smirking about her imagined visit to the rest room like a 2-year-old who just discovered peepee humor.

Melania Trump, first lady of the United States.
Melania Trump, first lady of the United States.

Then there’s the report that Trump hired prostitutes to urinate on a hotel bed in Moscow while he watched, and his early-morning tweets in September urging his followers to look up an alleged sex tape featuring former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, whom he blasted for gaining weight after she won the title.

This is a man whose paramour (later wife #2) bragged to the New York Post that their tryst was “the best sex I ever had,” and whose current wife (#3) has filed multiple suits against the Daily Mail for suggesting that she may have worked for an escort service during her modeling days. And while that may be false, it is certainly true that Melania Trump posed for photos that might best be described as soft-core porn.

And then there’s daughter Ivanka’s father-in-law, Charles Kushner. While under investigation on federal tax charges, Kushner hired a prostitute to entrap his own sister’s husband, who was a witness against him. He then sent a tape of the encounter to his sister’s home, according to published reports. Kushner pleaded guilty to filing false tax returns and campaign finance reports in addition to one count of retaliating against a witness. He served a two-year prison term and is now reported to be part of a group seeking to purchase the Miami Marlins baseball team.

So what the hell do you call this act?

The Trump administration.

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