Please, I beg you, don’t “press” for the removal of Sean Spicer or Kellyanne Conway from the news cycle at the palace of the Clown-in-Chief.
Imagine if you will, what kind of life it would be without a few laughs at the end of day.
During my time working as a printer’s devil for my university town’s semi-weekly newspaper, after we put the paper to bed, we’d sit around an empty wooden crate and drink coffee laced with vodka, or years later at my hometown paper near the Oklahoma border, illegal moonshine from gallon-sized Coca-Cola syrup bottles.
Sometimes a couple of the town barbers — tall thin Mr. Cool, who would cut your hair while taking swigs from a bottle of Mexican vanilla extract or from something inside an old bottle of Fitches’ Dandruff Remover, along with his midget partner, Mouse — would drop by for a nip with the crew. Among other things, we’d bullshit about how the Methodist minister was poking the waitress at the local cafe, Grill 69.
I don’t make this shit up.
Another time, we might make light of the head linesman, John, over at the Texas Power & Light Co., a giant of a man who was caught bending over a secretary as she moaned, “Oh, John! Oh, John!”
We’d see them walking across the town square and we’d stand at the office’s picture window, chanting, “Oh, John! Oh John!”
Any sort of gallows humor was welcome.
See, work is hard, and people need some kind of diversion to lighten the mood when the day is done. And with a vicious Republican Congress and a pathologically lying, unhinged POTUS who spends his time spewing vile, hateful rants on Twitter, that search for a diversion is exactly why I now find myself cruising the internet, searching for the Trump tweet of the day, Conway’s latest outrage, or Spicer’s up-to-the-minute press conference denials. I look for the vilest political cartoons from all over the world to take my mind off just how badly Congress screwed us, and then I share them on my very own page here at The Shinbone Star, called Seen & Not Heard. That boldfaced bit you just passed over is the link, but you can also find it on the menu at the top of this and every other Shinbone story, and sometimes in the promo box placed at the bottom.
Sean and Kellyanne are frequently featured on my page because they’re the White House’s very own “Cleanup on Aisle 6 Team,” and I just don’t know what I’d do without them. Please, please stop asking to get rid of them!
How can we ever forget that it was Spicer, in his very first meeting with the soon-to-be “enemies of the people” press, who ranted that we’d lied about the size of the inaugural crowd, then stormed out of the room. Another time, he told Americans they could believe everything Donnie says, “If it’s not a joke.”
For her part, Kellyanne added to our lexicon with the phrase “alternative facts,” also while defending Donnie’s outrageous claims about the size of his inauguration crowd.
I mean, if we didn’t have those two for comic relief, I just don’t think I could survive!