Let’s see you ‘Innovate’ your way out of this, Jared

Jared Kushner with Ivanka’s pappy in the Oval Office.

Where the hell are you when we need you, Jared Kushner?

Minutes ago, someone — possibly you Jared — was identified as a “person of interest” in the ongoing investigation into possible ties between Russia and Donald Trump’s campaign.

Maybe that’s why you’ve been missing in action recently, huh? Might want to lawyer up, son.

Way back in March, Clown-in-Chief, Donald Trump, your father-in-law, named you a White House senior adviser, “to lead a new office responsible for “streamlining and overhauling the federal government.” Damn, we all felt so fortunate and optimistic upon hearing and reading that. I almost borrowed a couple of million bucks to start a business, I was so excited.

You, on paper, head something called the “Office of American Innovation.” What exactly have you “Innovated?”

The only thing you’ve been responsible for — as of a few hours ago — is selling $110 million dollars worth of military weapons to the Saudis. Included is a radar system designed to shoot down ballistic missiles, which the Saudis thought too pricey. So you picked up the phone and called Marillyn A. Hewson, chief executive officer of Lockheed Martin, which makes the radar system, and asked whether she could cut the price.

Helluva a job, kid. What was your commission? No Trump or Kushner does anything unless you make millions for yourself.

As I write, Don and some of the vilest people he could find, are headed to Saudi Arabia to celebrate the deal and heaven knows what else. It’s the president who is an unguided missile, fully armed with potentially explosive thoughts and words.

He could ignorantly start a religious war, given that the Nazi, Stephen Miller, who crafted the failed travel ban that targeted people from six-majority Muslim countries, is the president’s principal speechwriter and will be penning a few words for his boss to say to the Saudis on Sunday.

You planned this trip, Jared, so you might want to find a nice cave to hide in after Pappy causes the dung to hit the fan. Maybe a nice cave with iron bars!

What the hell are you, Jared?

Things are going to hell in a hand basket, day by day under the moronic rantings and executive orders of The Donald. He has the worst popularity rating of all time. Recent polls show that 56 percent of Americans now loathe the prick. Daffy Duck could do a better job running the country.

If I was your father-in-law, Jared, I’d sack your ass for letting me down.

Where were you when Don made history by firing the freaking FBI Director, for no damned sane reason? Actually, there was one reason — Donny said it was because James Comey was mean to Hillary Clinton over her e-mail fiasco!

Don’t that beat all, kid? You can’t make this crap up, sadly.

Meanwhile, the Clown-in-Chief, is loose with his unsecured cellular phone, tweeting, threatening Comey with secret “tapes” of their conversations: “James Comey better hope that there are no “tapes” of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!”

But word is just in that Comey ain’t gonna take it while lying down. He’s agreed to testify before Congress in a public session sometime after Memorial Day. Wonder what he’ll have to say.

See, you didn’t do your job, Jared! Why couldn’t you see this shit coming? Why couldn’t you “Innovate” some way to avoid such a landmark fuckup, BEFORE it happened? Now Donald could be in deep manure.

Maybe, you’re in a job that’s way above your ability. In other intelligent countries, Jared, the government would have experienced a no-confidence vote or been overthrown. But this country, unfortunately, has no intelligent leaders.

Because things are so fucked up, Donny is now threatening to deep-six all briefings because the “fake media” is actually reporting on his every ignorant decision! Dammit, those briefings are the only delightful thing to come out of this insane administration, Jared.

Your father-in-law needs a timeout for a few years, please.

You and Ivanka need to be early-risers and monitor Don’s twittering. Maybe chaperone his television interviews, too. But the real topper was when The Donald allowed the Ruskie press corps — including a photographer and (apparently) a spy — into the Oval Office. No American press allowed.

Turns out the Russians secretly recorded your father-in-law, and Vladimir ‘Pootie’ Putin is offering to send us the transcript! Papa Trump is nuts and a habitual liar, which you and your wife and kids and everyone else on the planet surely knows.

All this while you were missing in action, again, boy. The American Bald Eagle, weeps.

The least you and your wife could do is “Innovate” and slip Donny a Valium or some vicious cough syrup that would make him fall asleep, face first, into his meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Then you could cart him off to one of those New York State loony bins for a few years of relaxation. I think the strain has become too much for the poor thing.

Maybe you could “Innovate” some way to convince the prick that this president gig is beneath his station and far, far, too easy. “Streamline” him to just quit and give someone else of lesser talent a chance to fuck up our country.

Pence has got to be crying. Give him a chance, he can’t screw it up much worse than The Donald.

At least you would leave us and the world with the satisfaction that you were one fucking clever, “Innovative” guy, who probably just saved the planet.

Where are you Jared Kushner?


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