Round One of the much-hyped pugilistic scrap between former FBI Director James Comey and Don Trump opened to a sellout crowd.
In the near corner, pudgy, dressed in red silk trunks decorated with tiny blue birds, at 6-feet-2 inches tall, the orange-haired, Don “The Tweeter” Trump!
And in the far corner, dressed in white trunks decorated with an American flag, at 6-feet-8 inches tall, the extremely fit, dark-haired, James “Crusher” Comey!
“Tweeter” Trump’s hands appear rather small compared to “Crusher” Comey’s large-sized boxing gloves. The Don looks nervous, he’s avoiding eye contact with the cold, steely-eyed Comey. Don appears to be asking for a cell phone, even though he’s wearing boxing gloves. Odd.
The ring announcer has exited through the ropes, and the two combatants retire to their corners. Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway are seconds for Don, his trainer is Steve “Hater” Bannon.
Comey also has two seconds and a trainer, but their identities are unknown.
There’s the bell!
The crowd is on its feet as the two come out of their corners.
Don dances away and says something to Comey as the former FBI man slowly stalks his overweight opponent. Shuffling and shifting his tiny feet, Don is slowly retreating to his corner. His style is to say unintelligible things to his opponent while trying to hide in darkened corners.
Comey, conversely, is soft-spoken, a man of few words, each chosen carefully and delivered with assurance.
Their fighting styles are completely dissimilar. The “Tweeter” swings wildly and with seemingly complete abandon. It appears he has never been inside a gym or boxing ring. “Crusher,” meanwhile, is methodical, focused, well-disciplined and far more experienced than his opponent.
Now Comey has cornered the Don and opens with a flurry of punches! They’re not so much aimed as knockouts, but stunning body blows! The Don is reeling, even though his seconds and coach and fans seem to be denying the reality! And now there’s a trickle of blood from his nose!
Comey is following his battle plan. He’s unleashing a series of bold, unexpected attacks to Don’s midsection, and there’s an uppercut to his orange jaw. Just seconds now until the first round bell.
Now “Crusher” has “Tweeter” on the ropes! Don is reeling, appearing dazed and confused!
And there’s the bell! It came mercifully, for “Tweeter,” and he skulks to his corner stool.
“Crusher” is stoic, eyes flashing as he cracks a rare smile while sitting in his own corner. He appears well pleased with his first-round performance.
“Tweeter” took a real pummeling, but now he’s shouting across the ring at “Crusher” Comey. The crowd is clearly stunned.
Will there be a Round 2 of the Comey vs. Trump battle?
Stay tuned! There’s blood on the mat and it doesn’t belong to Comey.