Attorney General Jeff Sessions sorta testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee today, and members of The Shinbone Star staff, as is our custom, sorta gathered to monitor the fall of democracy while eating popcorn and jeering.
Sessions raised his right hand and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, etc., and then proceeded to not remember much about Russians while refusing to answer probing questions from Democrats about conversations with the Orange Oaf currently sitting in the big boy chair.
Even though Trump never invoked executive privilege, according to Sessions, he still couldn’t answer any questions because, you know, Trump might invoke executive privilege at some point in the future … like right after he releases those tax returns or ponies up the Comey Tapes that he might or might not actually possess.
What follows is a rambling instant messenger conversation by some of our staff members that may or may not be instructive for some of our readers who inexplicably missed today’s live event. Concerning our conversation, there might have been some Russians commenting, too, but those parts have been removed, and besides, none of us remember for sure if they were even there.
Glenn Redus: McCain takes his seat. Wonder what planet he’ll be on today.
Glenn Redus: I understand that Sessions is being referred to in some quarters as Bilbo Bigot.
Glenn Redus: Uh-oh. Bilbo is getting pissed.
Larry Bellinger: Faux outrage. Typical GOP tactic.
Gaynell Terrell: May I translate? “Well ah nevah!”
Glenn Redus: Pardons? What’s this?
Gaynell Terrell: Foghorn Leghorn, from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. A Southern blowhard rooster not known for his truthfullness.
Glenn Redus: No, I known Foghorn. I was asking about Warren’s question about presidential pardons.
Larry Bellinger: Sessions once again lying about US murder rate and acting as if USA is some dystopian hell on earth ignoring fact violent crime rate steadily falling for 20 years.
Larry Bellinger: #JeffSessions on Kislyak: “I dont recall that…it’s conceivable…I just don’t remember…I could say that I possibly had a meeting.” #Damn
Gaynell Terrell: We have often read that Ambassador Kislyak is a large, gregarious artful ambasador-spy who knows how to work a crowd. I would be surprised if Kislyak did NOT seek out any Trump advisers at the reception at the Mayflower. If Sessions can’t remember him being there, he has a mental deficiency not appropriate for the attorney general of the United States.
Anne-Marie: So he thought Comey had a lack of discipline? What does the Tweeter in chief have?
Anne-Marie: Answer the damn question, Jefferson Beauregard.
Glenn Redus: I guess Rubio is a turd, but not all his questions are softballs.
Anne-Marie: But Sessions wasn’t accused of stonewalling, was he? I thought the question was a dig at Comey’s testimony. Wyden is rattling him.
Glenn Redus: A dig at Rogers and Coats
Larry Bellinger: Is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions going to challenge Sen. Wyden to a duel?
Glenn Redus: Wyden scoring some points.
Glenn Redus: Sessions is a smarmy SOB. But we knew that.
Glenn Redus: Anybody else hear the nation’s top legal officer say he doesn’t know if the White House is obliged to preserve any tapes?
Anne-Marie: The tapes if they exist are government property.
Glenn Redus: Heinrich shoots, he scores!
Rev. Harry Powell: McCain poised to ask about the extent of G. Gordon Liddy’s involvement.
Anne-Marie: What did the president know and when did he know it?
Anne-Marie: What! you can’t answer questions about conversations with Trump unless Trump has a chance to go over the answers? How about just telling the truth?
Larry Bellinger: “Stonewall” Sessions!
Anne-Marie: So he’s criticizing Comey for saying anything about Clinton? They do know that they would have lost if he hadn’t, right?
Anne-Marie: Can Blunt suck any harder?
Glenn Redus: I think Sessions has scored a point in saying it was improper for Comey to make prosecutorial pronouncements.
Anne-Marie: Now this stuff about executive privilege is interesting.
Gaynell Terrell: No legal basis for “I think it’s inappropriate to respond.”
Anne-Marie: Trying to leave the president a chance to decide to invoke privilege? Can I refuse to answer questions because they might incriminate another in violation of his fifth amendment rights.
Larry Bellinger: King is twisting Sessions into a pretzel. Sessions too busy trying to roll back civil rights to even look into the Russians attack on the US.
Glenn Redus: As a Native Texan, I already hated Oklahoma. Now I hate it more.
Gaynell Terrell: Let me get this right. Sessions says that during the campaign he was never interested in being informed about Russian election meddling. And since his swearing in on Feb.10, he has never asked about the Russian investigation. Was he not sworn in as attorney general? Of this country? Would any other right-thinking attorney general make himself informed/involved on that subject? Or has he just been whistlin’ Dixie.
Glenn Redus: Isn’t he citing his recusal for that? Not sure myself.
Anne-Marie: “I have no information…I don’t recall…”
Anne-Marie: So what’s Cotton running for? And there’s a difference between a personal investigation into Trump and one into the Russian role in the election.
Larry Bellinger: Here we go with the righteous indignation… Standard operating procedure.
Glenn Redus: Cotton wants to know why Comey mistrusted Trump. Hell, who wouldn’t???
Anne-Marie: Cotton is deflecting.
Anne-Marie: Isn’t it POTUS who’s been leaking damaging info? And that was a threat aimed at witness intimidation. It’s Obama’s fault!
Gaynell Terrell: The beatings will continue until the leaks stop.
Glenn Redus: Let’s go Kamala!
Anne-Marie: Love her!
Larry Bellinger: Cotton has always overstepped the boundaries- witness his attempt to scuttle the Iran nuclear deal.
Larry Bellinger: Notice how he scolds Sen. Harris. “How dare you question me?”
Anne-Marie: Because she’s a woman. She’s tough! She is rattling him.
Larry Bellinger: They’re getting ready to shut her up… Whoop there it is!
Anne-Marie: Where does the Constitution give the President confidentiality of communication?
Anne-Marie: Amazingly, Sessions can remember everything Comey said a year ago and nothing he himself said since January.
Glenn Redus: Don’t recall too many Republicans speaking out against Comey for his Hillary actions at the time.
Anne-Marie: So why not terminate Comey at once, instead of waiting several months?
Glenn Redus: Well, Trump had given him a vote of confidence . . . until he didn’t.
Anne-Marie: Nice questions from Jack Reed.
Larry Bellinger: “I don’t recall…”
Anne-Marie: Boy, he’s thirsty.
Gaynell Terrell: He’s on his second glass.
Anne-Marie: He’s the head of his department but was never briefed?
Anne-Marie: What “unbelievable sacrifice” did Sessions and his wife make? Coming to a public hearing? You want to talk about unbelievable sacrifice, go talk to our men and woman in uniform, our veterans, and the survivors of those who gave their lives for this country.
Gaynell Terrell: The whole thing didn’t pass the smell test.