Tired of Trump? We are, too. Introducing the Blog-o-Matic

Why you never see Donald Trump and Donald Duck in the same room.

Face it, sometimes we can’t cram one more anti-Trump blog into our busy day. Introducing the Blog-o-Matic, a standard form that writers can use to jump start their snark and cynicism. Just check the appropriate word or phrase, add a healthy dose of righteous indignation, and voilà, you’re on your way to the topic of the day. Best yet, the form fits any occasion.

Can you believe:

  1. What Trump tweeted this morning?
  2. He made a pass at Angela Merkel?
  3. He joined the Chernobyl Climate Accord?
  4. He thought the Japanese prime minister’s wife didn’t speak English?

Who does he think he is? He’s:

  1. An overachiever in dumb.
  2. An malignant, misogynistic hater and pathological liar.
  3. A big weenie.
  4. A really big weenie.

Can you believe Trump announced plans to:

  1. Build a Trump hotel and casino on the National Mall.
  2. Name Ivanka Trump the new Secretary of State because “she looks good in the chair.”
  3. Do away with “needless regulations” like labels on cigarettes, and bring back leaded gasoline.
  4. Run for re-election?

Trump visited Saudi Arabia and reportedly asked:

  1. How much does this king gig pay?
  2. When they wear bourkas, how do you know where to grab?
  3. How much to ignore the terrorists from Saudi Arabia?

Donald revealed privately to FOX News:

  1. That being president is harder than he thought.
  2. He has a really big man crush on James Comey.
  3. That Melania is Vlad Putin’s sister, and “you gotta keep the peace with the in-laws.”
  4. That his oldest son Don Junior is an idiot.

The latest White House residential staff leak is about:

  1. His bedside audio version of Mein Kampf.
  2. He dresses in a sheet at night and burns a cross in front of Barak Obama’s official portrait.
  3. He watches “Brokeback Mountain” at night with Paul Ryan and pretends he “is riding a horse.”

Trump does not tolerate:

  1. Haute cuisine.
  2. Disloyalty.
  3. Tiffany Trump.
  4. Sean Spicer and Jeff Sessions.

Trump’s main character flaw is:

  1. Too many to count. You should have no trouble doing this on your own.

Trump will eventually be impeached because of:

  1. Obstruction of justice.
  2. He melted the Twitter servers.
  3. The Republicans decide he gets in their way of sticking it to women and the poor.
  4. See #2.

His punishment should be:

  1.  Sharing a cell with Kellyanne Conway and Rosie O’Donnell .
  2. Locked up and forced to watch “The Interview” with Seth Rogan and James Franco twice a day.
  3. Stripped of money and dropped off in East LA wearing only a long tie.
  4. Stripped of money and dropped off in Moscow wearing only a long tie.

We’ll occasionally update this list with timely Trump observations, so stay tuned, and keep writing! We’re working on a all-purpose illustration to go with every blog, but until then, enjoy this picture of a black hole.

The Resistance

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