Face it, sometimes we can’t cram one more anti-Trump blog into our busy day. Introducing the Blog-o-Matic, a standard form that writers can use to jump start their snark and cynicism. Just check the appropriate word or phrase, add a healthy dose of righteous indignation, and voilà, you’re on your way to the topic of the day. Best yet, the form fits any occasion.
Can you believe:
- What Trump tweeted this morning?
- He made a pass at Angela Merkel?
- He joined the Chernobyl Climate Accord?
- He thought the Japanese prime minister’s wife didn’t speak English?
Who does he think he is? He’s:
- An overachiever in dumb.
- An malignant, misogynistic hater and pathological liar.
- A big weenie.
- A really big weenie.
Can you believe Trump announced plans to:
- Build a Trump hotel and casino on the National Mall.
- Name Ivanka Trump the new Secretary of State because “she looks good in the chair.”
- Do away with “needless regulations” like labels on cigarettes, and bring back leaded gasoline.
- Run for re-election?
Trump visited Saudi Arabia and reportedly asked:
- How much does this king gig pay?
- When they wear bourkas, how do you know where to grab?
- How much to ignore the terrorists from Saudi Arabia?
Donald revealed privately to FOX News:
- That being president is harder than he thought.
- He has a really big man crush on James Comey.
- That Melania is Vlad Putin’s sister, and “you gotta keep the peace with the in-laws.”
- That his oldest son Don Junior is an idiot.
The latest White House residential staff leak is about:
- His bedside audio version of Mein Kampf.
- He dresses in a sheet at night and burns a cross in front of Barak Obama’s official portrait.
- He watches “Brokeback Mountain” at night with Paul Ryan and pretends he “is riding a horse.”
Trump does not tolerate:
- Haute cuisine.
- Tiffany Trump.
- Sean Spicer and Jeff Sessions.
Trump’s main character flaw is:
- Too many to count. You should have no trouble doing this on your own.
Trump will eventually be impeached because of:
- Obstruction of justice.
- He melted the Twitter servers.
- The Republicans decide he gets in their way of sticking it to women and the poor.
- See #2.
His punishment should be:
- Sharing a cell with Kellyanne Conway and Rosie O’Donnell .
- Locked up and forced to watch “The Interview” with Seth Rogan and James Franco twice a day.
- Stripped of money and dropped off in East LA wearing only a long tie.
- Stripped of money and dropped off in Moscow wearing only a long tie.
We’ll occasionally update this list with timely Trump observations, so stay tuned, and keep writing! We’re working on a all-purpose illustration to go with every blog, but until then, enjoy this picture of a black hole.