Hey everybody, we’re going on vacation!

Since our first post on Jan. 29, 2017 until today, the staff at The Shinbone Star has been working hard — some say too hard — to bring you up-to-the-minute coverage as America spirals into the abyss. But as bad as things have gotten here in the Land of the Free, they’re about to get a whole lot worse because we’re going on vacation.

We never thought it would come to this, never thought we’d need to take a break. But here we are, already six months under Donald Trump’s tiny thumb with barely a whiff of sweet-scented impeachment on the fetid summer breeze. This president is evidently possessed by some kind of orange-tinted demon that is intent on destroying democracy at such a frenzied pace that no matter what we do, we can’t keep up.

Believe me, we’ve tried everything to alleviate the stress, including some that we can’t talk about.

First, to help spread the load, we brought more writers on-board, all with exorbitant salaries that a publication like The Shinbone Star — given our low, low subscription rates — can barely afford. At even greater expense, we then hired a staff doctor who’s been passing out Xanax like candy to frazzled staffers who have been writing their fingers to the bone.

But alas, all our efforts have been to no avail. We’re old, exhausted, bitter, and can no longer keep up the pace, so we’re following the president’s own sterling example and taking a vacation. Starting tomorrow, The Shinbone Star will be off your radar for about a week, and when we return, there might be changes in store.

The Shinbone Star’s palatial home office features all the amenities you’d expect in a 21st Century news operation.

We’re painfully aware that our absence will put our loyal readers in something of a bind, but take heart, our sister papers, The New York Times and the Washington Post, have agreed to stand in for us while we’re gone. True, they can’t provide the same level of coverage you’ve come to expect from The Shinbone Star, but they’re still young and you should give them credit for trying.

Before we go, we want to thank you again for your support. Gaining more than 1,000 WordPress followers in just half a year is nothing to sneeze at, and some of us are already thinking up new ways to reward you once we stagger back into the office and start kicking orange ass.

Until then, keep a light on for us, and most importantly, RESIST!

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8 thoughts on “Hey everybody, we’re going on vacation!

  1. You must know, of course, that once the so-called president learns you’ve abandoned your keyboard, he’ll begin calling you “the failing Shinbone Star.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Y’all are AWESOME!!! And you most certainly more than deserve a break. Now… I mean this very seriously…. if any of y’all make it down Key West way…..drop me a line. Seriously. I’m out boating every single day. I’d be happy to “show around town/water”!!!

    This middle aged woman…(me)….was supposed to have 2.5 kids, become a lawyer, white picket fence type of life…. well, she didn’t. Currently enrolled for a degree in marine engineering and seamanship. And the BEST bartender in the lower keys….

    I’d be happy to provide any of you some “water therapy”…. trust me, it works well for stress…

    Just a quick funny story. I work in a redneck bar. And then I am the “token straight girl” that works in a gay/drag show bar in Key West. On inauguration day, I turned my iPhone over to my husband for 24 hours. As I could not guarantee that I would not flip the hell out and embarrass myself online. Anyway, I am on my boat, driving down a very remote canal. I see a few men standing basically in the middle of nowhere. I have great gaydar. So as I went past them, I commented “I need to go blow off some steam before I flip the fuck out “. They, of course, agreed. now I am truly in the middle of nowhere. All of a sudden, I hear somebody call my name. I stopped the boat, back up, and it was one of the drag queens that I work with. Of course, I didn’t recognize her. Because she was not in drag at the time. It was absolutely hysterical.

    I don’t know what the point of that story was. But the next time I went to work, I asked her if I looked badass on my boat, as I am a white suburban middle class girl from upstate New York. Who is recently learned how to take her boat out on the ocean. All alone. Well actually, with my two dogs. Anyway, she absolutely guaranteed that I looked bad ass as hell.!!!

    So if any of you make it down here. You’ve got a day on the water with the most badass boat captain that ever existed……LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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