With Special Counsel Robert Mueller holding a basket of indictments and standing tall behind diminutive U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the embattled A.G. showed some new elf stones of his own after his boss, Captain Bone Spurs, insulted him Wednesday with a double-barreled Twitter blast.
The Keebler Elf from Alabama got so mad that he back-talked Trump like he was some no account swamp dweller. The brouhaha started when the president decided to throw out due process in a complicated intelligence-gathering case by trying to use the Justice Department as his personal pit bull.
The reborn Iron Elf replied to Trump’s accusation that his Justice Department leadership is “DISGRACEFUL” by going on the attack. With a wee dagger thrust, Sessions jabbed Trump in the windpipe and stuffed a snarky message down his throat, proclaiming that the Justice Department “initiated the appropriate process that will ensure complaints against this department will be fully and fairly acted upon if necessary.”
It was a total fuck you moment!
It seems that testosterone is spreading thick as pollen in our nation’s capital. First, the fair-haired White House sissy unfurls a cape by saying he’d face automatic weapons fire to save your children, then the boy from Alabama suddenly grows a pair, apparently forgetting how to act around his betters!
A glutton for punishment, Sessions says he’s not going anywhere, which certainly sets him apart from so many others who are looking for lifeboats as Trump’s torpedoed ship of fools takes on water.
So many have fled the White House, in fact, that Congress might need to introduce a Revolving Door Act for White House staffers, which should include a $700 million appropriation for a reinforced revolving door from Trump & Sons Revolving Door and Mexican Wall Corp., L.L.C., New York, Washington and Leavenworth.
On Wednesday, a day after being slow-roasted by the House Intelligence Committee, winsome Hope Hicks took an exit, resigning as White House communications director after admitting that she told “little white lies” for Trump. No doubt Mueller is wondering what else she knows about the crafting of a cover story aboard Air Force One after the petulant Donnie Jr. had gotten himself into trouble for playing with the Russians.
Those who know and love Hicks are saying her sudden resignation was a planned departure, and that Bloody Wednesday was merely her chosen moment to go. They say it has nothing to do with the heat from her well-publicized affair with alleged wife-beater and former White House staff secretary Rob Porter. The romp reportedly created a furor between Hicks and White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, the former Marine general who seems immune to Hope’s wiles . . . or anyone else’s for that matter.
They’re saying that Hicks played an important role as one of the few effective translators of Trump-speak. But if she really was the “voice” behind Trump’s flatulent tweets, as has been suggested, then she is part and parcel to his unrelenting attempts to obstruct justice and has no place to hide.
Hicks’ fate may seem cruel to old men in Congress who are more accustomed to having hatchet-faced biddies in support roles. Even crusty Republican Sen. Pete King jumped to her defense, painting her as a mere victim of merciless palace intrigue.
According to Lying Donald, Hicks is leaving the White House of her own volition. He praised her for a job well done . . . but not before he’d ripped her a new one for damaging his reputation by saying that life with him includes lying for one’s supper.
Hicks’ aura is further diminished by reports that she didn’t quit when Trump reportedly insulted her several times with sexual innuendoes in front of his bought boys. Thankfully, new opportunities for her to share her story await, most likely before a federal grand jury.