We don’t usually do breaking news here at The Shinbone Star, normally preferring to let our understudies at The New York Times or Washington Post handle the grunt work while we provide insightful analysis. But the ouster of Rex Tillerson as secretary of state captured our fancy to such a degree that we just couldn’t stay silent.
A lot of late-sleeping American twitterholics woke up to the news, straight from the Orange Jackass himself:
Tillerson, of course, had been rumored to be on the outs with Donnie for quite some time, starting back in those halcyon days when he referred to his boss as either a “moron” or a “fucking moron,” depending on the source. When asked about it, Tillerson said he wouldn’t dignify such a question with a response, but famously didn’t deny it either:
It might be understandable if Donnie — who just wants to be loved — soured a bit on Rex at that point, but give Rex some credit for speaking truth and for fighting to stay on the job, bad job though it was.
Perhaps not so curiously, the final straw seemed to come just yesterday when Rex agreed with British Prime Minister Theresa May’s assessment that former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter were poisoned with a military-grade nerve agent while on British soil, unquestionably on the orders of Trump paramour and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
The clear lesson from Donnie seems to be, “You can call me a moron. You can even call me a fucking moron. But don’t you dare say anything bad about my Vlady!”
Truly, it’s hard to know how to feel as Rex packs his bags. As odious as he is, his stink was a stately stink, though it didn’t mix well with the more earthy signs of putrefaction emanating from any gathering of Trump’s Cabinet. Even though Rex gutted the State Department and knew nothing about foreign policy, who could you name from that group who’s more competent? Ben Carson? Betsy DeVos? Oh pleeeeze!
Well, Rex is gone, and CIA Director Mike Pompeo will now bring his act to a more visible role at the State Department, and just in time for Donnie’s planned bad-hair day with North Korean strongman Kim Jong-un. Personally, I’d have felt safer knowing there was at least one guy in the room who knows a fucking moron when he sees one.
Stay tuned to this channel for more of the insightful analysis you’ve come to expect from The Shinbone Star, which will probably be on its way sometime after the rest of the staff wakes up.
EDITOR’S NOTE: One other reason we don’t typically cover breaking news here is because doing so in a blog format tends to eclipse some really fine writing. We know how it is in this day and age, maybe you’ll read one thing from us, but then you’ll get distracted by something else and then by something else again, and before you know it, you’re wasting time reading about Kim Kardashian instead of reading that really fine report from Shinbone Star reporter Nathaniel Helms, who wrote earlier today about some well-armed federales near you. Even though this report on Tillerson has pushed Nat’s work farther down and out of sight, we commend it to your attention, and you can find it HERE. (That big red word right there is a link. Click it!)