You have called me a libtard snowflake, a bleeding heart feminazi, and even a left-wing commie bigot, but I’m not mad at you. I know you were frustrated, know that you didn’t really mean it. We are practically family anyway, bound by the common denominator of being American. We believe in the same American ideals: freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We are invested in the idea of the American Dream, and we want to see it realized in our own lives.
The difference is, you thought the American Dream could be obtained by electing an orange buffoon who proclaimed his abilities to Make America Great Again without actually having any proof that he could. In fact, you believed that the charlatan you elected was a wealthy, savvy businessman whose one goal was the best interests of the common man. You forgot that wealthy people don’t like or care about poor people, middle class people, or people who aren’t white. Well, maybe you didn’t forget that last thing.
Trump promised you safety, wealth, guns, tradition. He made you excited about going back to a better time — a time that was only better for white people.
In the end, however, you realized that the only person the president truly cares about is himself. It’s starting to dawn on you because you really aren’t as stupid as we liberals accuse you of being. You really are purty smart, dadgummit all to heck.
It’s okay to get off the Trump train before it completely derails. You don’t have to do it all at once, take your time, but start now before it’s too late. You don’t want to still be onboard when the Trump train crashes, and that’s just a matter of time. Here are some tips for jumping off before it’s too late:
- Stop posting pro-Trump memes. Slowly back away from open support on social media. So you hate gays and blacks. No one is saying to stop posting that stuff, just the pro-Trump stuff. Start slow. Eventually, we will wear you down about your racist and homophobic opinions, but for now, us libtards will settle for your realization that Trump has sold you out to the highest bidder — Russia.
- Make amends with your family. Send your favorite communist liberal bastard cousin an olive branch at your next family gathering by saying that Trump may not be the sharpest tool in the shed. That’s something we can ALL agree on. It is the great equalizer. Everyone knows Trump is a moron. Can you really argue with that one?
- Peel the Trump stickers off your truck. As if someone else hasn’t already done this for you by now, accentuated with a large screwdriver stabbed into your tailgate. Remove any pro-Trump paraphernalia from your vehicle, front yard, clothing, including MAGA hats. Burn all that shit in your back yard. Do not interpret this as permission to burn it in your black neighbor’s yard along with a cross. Don’t do that. Ever.
- Stop watching Fox News right the fuck now. Turn the channel immediately. Just push the arrow on your remote up or down. If it lands on the Disney channel, so be it. Stay there. Watch “Bunk’d.” I don’t care what you watch, just don’t watch Fox News ever again!
- Try empathy. Us libtard snowflakes LOVE empathy; it’s like a drug or something. Empathy is the key to all of our desires, politics, angst, religion. Try it, you might like it. You might find that you understand the world and yourselves more for it. Empathy teaches us that the feelings, desires, struggles of others are the same as our own. It’s what connects us. When we empathize, fear dissipates. We are not so afraid of others because we feel a connection with them. We have a desire not only to obtain our best interests, but the best interest of others. We realize that when others are valued, we, too, have value.
- Vote your conscience. Once you are open to empathy, it’s impossible to be any other way. You will not be able to be selfish anymore. You won’t hate gays or women or blacks or immigrants or poor people. Instead, you will see yourself through their eyes. You will realize what a total piece of shit that you’ve been. You will start to notice like-minded people and will want them to be the ones in charge and making decisions. Vote accordingly. Vote for people who care more about the individual than the wealth of the few. They will care more about the environment, the poor, the marginalized, the weak. They will stand up for those who do not have the ability to stand up for themselves. They won’t be bullies.
Because leftist wingnuts have this great propensity for empathy, your metamorphosis from being a racist, xenophobic, conservative nutjob will ultimately be embraced. Despite some initial misgivings, we will ultimately welcome you with open arms. We were only kidding when we called you stupid, dumb fuckheads. We will understand that your superior intelligence eventually led you to the conclusion that Trump is a Russian conspirator dumpster fire of epic proportions, and that was time to redeem yourselves in the eyes of the nation.
It’s never too late. Welcome to the club.