Scary times indeed, Mr. Trump

Women’s march in Washington D.C., 2017. — Carolyn Cole/Los Angeles Times/TNS

Dear Mr. Trump: (Sorry if I offend you by not addressing you as president, but I’m pretty sure you’re not even a reasonable facsimile.)

I heard you on the TV the other day saying how it’s a “scary time to be a young man in America” and I was thinking to myself, “fake news!” It’s always a good time to be a man in America! And then I scolded myself for being so dismissive of your great words and decided to re-educate myself.

As I was surfing the world wide web, I came across so many facts. Like, how degrading it must have been to work and not keep your earnings or to never be able to have property you owned in your name. That is, until 1839 when you were able to finally have that property title in your name if your husband gave you permission. Oh . . . never mind, that said husband. None of that pertains to you, Mr. Trump.

Also, it must have been aggravating, to say the least, that you weren’t able to vote until . . . oh wait again, please disregard that . . .  I was just going to say that you couldn’t vote until 1920, but alas, that only pertains to women.

Looking back, going to university must have been hard, especially if you wanted to go into a field other than nursing or teaching, careers that were usually reserved for women. But once again, Mr. Trump, that doesn’t pertain to you. Did you know, Mr. Trump, that once women were allowed to get an education in other fields and hold jobs within the government sector, the National Recovery Act of 1932 came into effect, and only one person per household could hold a government job? So naturally the women lost their jobs.

But back to those hard times for young men.

It must be challenging to have to find ways to pay for your birth control every month as most employers don’t cover it thanks to your administration . . . oh, wait . . . you take Viagra. That’s usually covered. At least women can actually get birth control nowadays, but did you know that it wasn’t until 1918 that women were even allowed to be informed about birth-control options? But only if they were married, and only for health reasons, of course.

Mr. Trump, I can’t imagine what it must be like to try and get help regarding a pregnancy scare or to even get your annual PAP smear and STD screening now that your government has rolled back funding for Planned Parenthood. I mean, really? What do you men do?

Oh, wait. You can go to the store and buy condoms.

I guess we should talk about how extremely difficult it is for you and all of those young men to get access to doctors and clinics that will perform abortions now that your administration has allowed funding to be pulled from clinics and organizations that support or perform abortion services — for “religious reasons,” of course. Oops, my bad! That’s all about the women, again!

Did you know, Mr. Trump, that in some states girls are attempting at-home abortions with dangerous consequences, and that women will drive across multiple states just to meet with a doctor about termination of a pregnancy? That must be so traumatizing! Especially when the pregnancy is a result of rape. You’ve heard of sexual assault haven’t you, Mr. Trump? Of course you have! All those lying, money-hungry women falsely accusing you and some of your friends — very fine men — and trying to get rich and get some attention. So difficult being a man!

Did you know, Mr. Trump, that some states, such as Maryland, allow men — rapists — to have parental rights of the children they fathered during said rape? Yep, it’s true. I saw it on Fox News, too! But some women are fighting this law. The nerve of those victims, right, Mr. Trump?

And speaking of violence against women . . .

It must be frightening for you and all the young men in the country to walk alone in an empty parkade or when you have to walk six blocks from the subway station to your apartment in the dark. How exhausting it is for you to make sure you don’t wear anything too tight or revealing so as not to provoke someone. And whatever you do, don’t drink too much or act too friendly! That’s just inviting trouble.

It must be humiliating and traumatizing for you when your college boyfriend won’t take no for an answer and sexually assaults you, and when you report it to college authorities, you’re told you should “just break up with him and move on.”

And once you do finally “move on,” and graduate, it must be equally frustrating to always meet those deadlines, work those extra hours and put in the best work only to be passed over for that promotion. But that’s an exaggeration because sometimes you actually do get that promotion, only to find out that every other man in the office is still making more than you and probably always will.

You heard through the grapevine that your boss will sometimes give a raise for a raise . . . in the hemline, if you know what I mean. Whoops, my mistake again, these scenarios only describe women. Serves them right for attempting to get out of the kitchen!

So tough are the times right now, for all of you men. Especially for your buddy, Brett. He sure is being put through the ringer over some harmless fun he and the boys had many years ago. These women need to know that boys will be boys, right Mr. Trump? That silly woman doctor deserved your mockery, no doubt!

Finally, I must say, it must have been so embarrassing and degrading to have the president of the United States of America pick you to ask a question during a White House press conference, only to have him insult you on live television by saying “of course you weren’t thinking. You never do” before you even got to ask your question!

Oh, never mind, that reporter was a woman. And the person who insulted her? That was you, Mr. President!

I think you’re right. It is scary being a man in this country, but only if you’re a man who also happens to have a vagina.

I suppose this letter is redundant since I found out once again, Mr. Trump, that you either weren’t telling the truth or you were just plain wrong.

In lieu of a response, please just resign.


Just Another Woman

11 thoughts on “Scary times indeed, Mr. Trump

  1. First of all, I love Edmond O’Brien. He will play my father in the film noir of my life. Were he like, still alive, and all.

    Second–and far more important–I loved this carefully-researched cri de coeur. My wife (a privileged white woman) knows how easily she could have been assaulted during Beach Week or at any of those high school parties–with no consequences for the boys. Also…kudos for not giving into cynical despair, raising your sarcastic-to-make-a-point voice instead.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Edmond O’Brien would be a great choice. If he were alive of course. 😉
      Thank you Matt for your kind words! We can’t give in to despair. That’s why we have sarcasm. I’m Irish so it’s basically a part of my DNA. That, and my love of alcohol. That’s an entirely different story, though!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is truly amazing. However, if it is intended for His Imperial Nakedness’ consumption, some revisions must needs be done. I suggest re-creating this in comic book format, with plenty of brightly-colored, simply-drawn illustrations, and simplified language consisting of words of no more than two syllables. Or, as an alternative, a video with charmingly old-fashioned hand puppets and bright, cheery music. Or- and I personally think this idea could be bigly best, in the right hands- find some footage from The Gorilla Channel. Remember that? And have that simple, easy-to-follow dialog inserted into the gorilla footage.

    Then you might stand a chance of being heard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And your words are just as terrific! They’re a blog post all their own. And absolutely true. I don’t stand a chance of The Big O reading it unless it looks like a Hustler magazine with few words in it.

      Liked by 1 person

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