The Young and the Beautiful: Escape to New York

— REUTERS/Carlos Barria

It’s been a while since we heard from our Young and Beautiful couple, Jerry and Ivy. Despite rumors that Ivy was not happy that her father chose Beer Bong Brett to serve on the Supreme Tribunal, she kept her silence and stayed out of the spotlight while Lady Melania went to Africa to play Rich White Lady. But recent developments may thrust Ivy onto the world stage. Let us eavesdrop on our golden couple, who have finally left the Scott Pruitt Soundproof Room to accept a message from a Royal Courier.


Ivy: Thank heaven we’re finally out of that damn soundproof room. I don’t understand why Daddy wouldn’t let me go to the hearings for Beer Bong Brett. It’s not like I’d go into a room alone with him. You didn’t go to any of those wild parties when you were at Harvard, did you?

logoJerry: Of course not. Harvard men don’t carry on like that. It’s those Yalies. Your father was quite right to bar you from going to the hearings or watching them on TV. That sort of atmosphere is no place for a lady.

Ivy: Why, they didn’t even invite me to the afterparty, and you know how I love champagne. But what news does the Royal Courier bring?

Jerry: Tidings of great joy, my homesick Manhattanite. We may be able to find our way out of the Swamp and back to the City!

Ivy: But how so? We have our work here, whatever it is.

Jerry: The United Nations Ambassador, Nikki Haley, has announced she is leaving her post by the end of the year. And right after the new $52,000 curtains that she didn’t order were installed in the ambassador’s official residence.

Ivy: That is interesting news, but how does it affect us?

Jerry: Don’t you see, my dense dumpling? Obviously, that’s a woman’s job, and I think we can persuade your father that you’re just the woman to fill her stilettos. After all, you speak French and Mandarin and a smattering of Czech, and you caused a sensation when you showed up at the UN last month in that smashing navy blue dress. CNN is already speculating that the job is yours. Now, if only we can get Fox News to do the same, you’re a shoo-in.

Ivy: We could leave the Swamp Creatures behind and return to my beloved Island! Quick, I must speak to my father! And once I get that job, no one at the UN will ever laugh at Daddy again.

Jerry: And I will start calling the movers. We’re moving on up to the East Side!

Will Ivy get the job? Will she and Jerry finally escape the Swamp and return to the fabled Isle of Manhattan? Stay tuned for further glimpses into the life of the Young and the Beautiful.


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