A Slobbering Mississippi Leg Hound Is Not What America Needs Right Now

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi didn’t waste any time bitch-slapping Demento Don for being such an obdurate jerk. On Tuesday, she suggested that President Demento either reschedule his second State of the Union speech or simply send Congress a letter. She can do that. Pelosi can even tell Trump to pound sand. It may be the people’s House but Nancy Pelosi decides who gets to play in it.

There is a precedent of sorts. President Ronald Reagan postponed his second State of the Union address after learning of the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. His address was originally scheduled for Jan. 28, 1986, but he postponed for a week after the shuttle broke up 73 seconds after liftoff that same morning, killing all seven crew members. It was the only time that the State of the Union address has been postponed because of a catastrophe.

In this instance, catastrophe is the operative word for the current state of the union. The president is off the rails, living in a la-la land of half-baked ideas perpetuated by a Cabinet full of halfwits redoubling their efforts to be good lackeys.

The federal bureaucracy, which everybody likes to demean and nobody can do without, is under attack. The Border Patrol — Trump’s current poster boys and girls — is suffering. So are the Internal Revenue Service, air-traffic controllers, the Transportation Safety Administration, the FBI and U.S. Marshals Service, the folks who corral the really bad people. Even the United States Coast Guard, a purely military force that risks it all every day, is not getting paid. The Defense Department, although still being paid, is in disarray and unexpectedly in the hands of a civilian from Boeing who never wore a uniform or faced the slings and arrows of real combat.

Elsewhere, America’s men and women of NATO have just discovered that Captain Bone Spurs wanted to end their obsolete mission. Environmental Protection Agency members, usually occupied protecting energy industry fat cats who are desperately seeking to roll back environmental laws so that America can stay on par with China as the world’s filthiest polluters, are idled.

Shoulder to shoulder with the EPA are the men and women at the Department of the Interior. Even during normal times under Trump they can’t do much to prevent looters from ravaging the nation’s wilderness treasures, cracking pristine land for natural gas and digging for coal, two commodities essential only in Trumplandia. The only thing keeping those carpetbaggers from moving into the wilderness and raping it are laid off forest rangers charged with protecting their sorry asses while they look for good places to destroy.

Disgraced Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke resigned Jan. 2 after his apparent conflicts of interest started inhibiting his ability to plunder America with the speed and finesse Demento Don demands of his minions. The candidates under consideration to replace him are off the B-list of nincompoops-who-don’t-know-shit. Zinke, meanwhile, might have found himself recently by joining a company that invests in emerging “financial technology fields like blockchain,” the networks that underpin always shaky cryptocurrencies, including scandal-plagued Bitcoin and Ethereum.

Meanwhile, the shut down Treasury Department is tasked with trying to keep it all straight.

The list goes on and on, so what does Trump have to crow about?

That’s a matter of perspective, the perspective of the only two people who really matter to Trump — Russian President Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping, general secretary of the Communist Party of China and president of the People’s Republic of China.

Whether Xi retains those titles next year depends on what happens this year. China’s slumping economy is propping itself up in part by selling American debt on the open market. So far, China has dumped a trillion dollars of American obligations on other eager industrial states wanting a piece of America, and the Chinese are looking to sell more. With 1.3 billion people to feed, China needs American soybeans, grain, swine and poultry. Conversely, most of the crap American consumers suck from the shelves of Walmart, Target, and the other nationwide specialty chains is made in China and its satellites because Americans don’t know how to make simple things anymore.

Xi will soon pretend to see the light and reach an accommodation with the U.S. that will restore the trade flow balance that fuels both economies. Trump will look like he actually did something smart and Xi will look like he knew how to handle Trump. Americans will quickly forget Trump caused the stupid tariff war with China in the first place.

More worrisome is what the U.S. is doing about Chinese military ambitions in the Pacific Rim. With military power comes markets. Without a counter, those markets become permanent. With the Pentagon leaderless and without a plan, the armed services can’t even find subpar recruits. Conditions are troubling.

Putin is probably spending weekends at his dacha pounding back seriously chilled vodka from a full teacup with lemon, at least that’s the way the local KGB guy provided it to me in Osijek until I fell out of my chair. Keeping in mind this is from a Russian perspective, Putin has every right to get plastered while celebrating Russia’s intelligence coup against America. His brilliant plan to use a filthy rich, egocentric, idiot savant to subvert all the institutions of the United States of America, something the Soviet Union failed to do since 1945, must make him ecstatic. Russians like strong leaders. Putin fits the bill.

Trump, too, likes strong leaders and thinks they pattern themselves after him, the strongest leader ever. All Putin had to do was give him a few billion rubles while letting him rub against some Slavic beauties and Trump started slobbering all over himself like a Mississippi leg hound, so willing was he to accommodate Putin’s needs. So sad!

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2 thoughts on “A Slobbering Mississippi Leg Hound Is Not What America Needs Right Now

  1. This shutdown is practically an engraved invitation to terrorists to come on over and have some fun.
    It’s a disaster in it’s own right, and a horrific catastrophe waiting to happen. I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t already.

    Liked by 1 person

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