Trump Has Ants In His Pants

There has been an uptick in reports that Donald Trump is getting ants in his pants worrying about what the so-called Mueller Report will reveal. That revelation is scheduled to come later today.

Almost 400 pages of findings plus thousands of supplements called Form FD 302s, the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s standardized supplemental reporting form, are up for grabs. Every FBI agent who talks to a witness of any kind is required to write a 302 to include in the case file folder of the investigation to which they are assigned.

The reports are usually referred to as summaries and they often reveal more about what they didn’t accomplish than what they managed to discover. Reading them is an art form. At first glance most seem very compelling. A few of them actually are.

Attorney General William Barr wants them tossed for revealing secrets that Trump and the Republicans prefer nobody hears. Congress wants to see them delivered unredacted so it and the American public can discover all the riddles Barr is trying to hide.

This week Trump said the entire two-year effort by the nation’s premier lawman is a “con job.”

“Any aspect of that report, I hope it does come out because there was no collusion, whatsoever, no collusion,” Trump told Minneapolis TV station KSTP on Monday. “It was a big con job and everybody knows it. . . . The crime was committed by the other side. This crime was all made up, it was all a fabrication and that’s come out loud and clear.”

Some of the 302s Trump h

opes his buddy Barr will emasculate with a fat-tipped Magic Marker are almost certainly the compelling kind that will at least cause Trump acute embarrassment and at worst impeachment. That is undoubtedly why Trump has been so antsy. His obvious anxiety makes the narrowly held assumption that he hasn’t yet seen Barr’s whittling project more believable every day.

Example of a Form 302.

One thing is already clear. It is easier to read Trump nowadays than it was two years ago when everything he said seemed so astounding that it raised hackles on nuns. His discomfiture is now easy to detect, more than two years after the rancid maniac began governing by Twitter.

Thankfully, we all know that Twitter is nothing more than an imperfect mechanism and a perfectly adequate vehicle for Trump to explain the few things he actually understands. More importantly, it also reveals much of what he doesn’t.

His hysterically tinged Twitter campaign is a lot like the 302s squirting out of file folders in drawers all over Washington, D.C. Some will reveal really important insights and more will be drivel. Hopefully, Rep. Jerrold Nadler and his House Judiciary Committee will be able to tell the difference. The 14-term Democrat and Brooklyn lawyer has taken Trump to his knees before.

With just hours to go before the redacted report lands in the halls of Congress, Trump’s whiney bellyaching has reached a crescendo, accompanied by the out-of-tune chorus of mewling sycophants who haven’t had an original idea since they bought their way into Trump’s political machine.

Trump’s Monday Tweetfest, as self-serving as it was, was aimed primarily at Barr’s whitewashed four-page summary of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s conclusions — especially Barr’s tepid assurances that Trump is not guilty of obstruction — a line that Trump misrepresents every time he bloviates about his purity of character.

Trump tweeted:

“Mueller, and the A.G. based on Mueller findings (and great intelligence), have already ruled No Collusion, No Obstruction. These were crimes committed by Crooked Hillary, the DNC, Dirty Cops and others! INVESTIGATE THE INVESTIGATORS!”

Democrats, unphased, are calling for Mueller to testify before Congress to discover the unvarnished truth. Nadler, Speaker Nancy Pelosi and other prominent Dems have repeatedly expressed concern that Barr will order unnecessary censoring of the report to protect the president.

Nadler says that ain’t happening. He says he intends to leave no stone unturned to compel Barr to turn over an un-redacted copy, along with the report’s underlying investigative files — the thousands and thousands of 302s that collectively tell the entire tale.

Several news outlets on Sunday and Monday reported that Trump is privately expressing deep concern that some — perhaps most — of his once-muzzled underlings told the truth to the faceless, nameless FBI agents shoveling through the mounds of bullshit left in every place Trump squats.

According to NBC News, more than a dozen current and former White House officials who cooperated with Mueller are worried that the version of his report expected to be made public today will expose them as the source of damaging information about Trump.

As one former White House official reportedly said:

“They got asked questions and told the truth, and now they’re worried the wrath will follow.”

Barr has repeatedly claimed that Mueller did not find a criminal conspiracy between Russia and Trump associates during the campaign. Mueller however, did not reach a conclusion on whether Trump obstructed justice, Barr said.

Mueller reportedly presented evidence on both sides of that question. Barr, after consulting with Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein, determined that the undisclosed evidence was insufficient to prove Trump had obstructed justice, but also determined that the evidence had not exonerated him.

Trump’s henchmen like to portray House Democrats’ current investigations as partisan overreach, cheered on by biased mainstream news and unethical reporters who joined the Dems in weaponizing the collusion story. The president says the Democratic effort is an effort “to tear up the fabric of our great democracy.”

Trump certainly knows about tearing at the fabric of our nation’s flag. Old Glory has sustained more rips, tears and stains at Trump’s hands than it has ever suffered at the hands of any tyrant. Meanwhile, the White House continues trying to shape the public conversation that will start to gel on Thursday as Mueller’s report is gone through with a fine toothed comb.”

There was no obstruction, which I don’t know how you can interpret that any other way than total exoneration,” press secretary Sarah Sanders said on “Fox News Sunday.”

It was only part of a weekend charge by Trump’s minions to seize as their own every morsel of exculpatory evidence introduced in Barr’s much-maligned four-page letter. Their apparent goal is to define public discourse by taking an unmerited victory lap that rings as hollow as Trump’s empty head.

Another clue to Trump’s discomfiture is his unfounded accusation that his campaign was spied upon by scheming Dems intent on destroying the nation. The limpid tale earned new life last week when Barr, testifying before Congress, said he thinks “spying did occur” in 2016 without elaborating.

Perhaps spying did occur, but it was probably not by the Democrats. It is much more plausible that our nation was spied upon by nefarious Russians and American dupes who spared no effort to usurp America’s Constitution, sully our sacred election process and install an incompetent moron in the White House to destroy our nation from within.

It remains to be seen whether they succeeded.

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