Trump fights Mother Nature

— Daily Beast illustration

Oval Office Occupant Donald Trump has shown this week that not only does he have no grasp of history, but also no concept of geography, nuclear bombs or weather.

All this came at a time when Category 5 Hurricane Dorian was crushing the Bahamas and heading toward the American East Coast. The storm decimated infrastructure, caused massive flooding and claimed multiple lives. Bahamian Prime Minister Hubert Minnis called it a “historic tragedy.”

Axios reported Sunday — citing unnamed sources — that Trump had asked top Homeland Security officials whether the United States could bomb a hurricane to stop it from hitting the country. Short answer: No. A hurricane produces more energy than several bombs. Not to mention the radioactive fallout and ecological disaster that would occur from any attempt to nuke it.

During one hurricane briefing, Trump reportedly offered the following solution:

“I got it. I got it. Why don’t we nuke them? They start forming off the coast of Africa, as they’re moving across the Atlantic, we drop a bomb inside the eye of the hurricane and it disrupts it. Why can’t we do that?”

The unnamed staffer reporting the event described the room as quiet, saying, “You could hear a gnat fart in that meeting.”

Shortly after departing Camp David for Washington last Sunday morning, Trump twitted, “Looking like one of the largest hurricanes ever. Already category 5. BE CAREFUL! GOD BLESS EVERYONE!”

Also Sunday, he twitted that Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia and Alabama would “most likely be hit much harder than anticipated” by Hurricane Dorian. About 20 minutes later, the National Weather Service office in Birmingham, Alabama, fired off a corrective tweet that Alabama “will NOT see any impacts from #Dorian.”

After the National Weather Service confirmed that Hurricane Dorian would have no effect on Alabama, Dumb Donald doctored the map with a black Sharpie pen to make it look like he hadn’t been wrong.

“We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane #Dorian will be felt across Alabama,” the weather service office tweeted. “The system will remain too far east.”

Not to be denied, The Donald continued his blithering with a follow-up twit:

“Such a phony hurricane report by lightweight reporter @jonkarl of @ABCWorldNews. I suggested yesterday at FEMA that, along with Florida, Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina, even Alabama could possibly come into play, which WAS true. They made a big deal about this . . .”

If you live in Alabama, this is a BIG f##king deal, Delusional Donald!

Daffy Don spent Monday playing golf — surprise — and of course it was at his own estate where he could rake in more cash from us taxpayers.

Mental Midget Donald opined:

“I’m not sure I’ve heard of a Category 5 hurricane. All we know is that it’s possibly the biggest. I’m not sure I’ve even heard of a Category 5, I knew it existed. And I’ve seen some Category 4s. I don’t even think I’ve heard the term other than I know it’s there and it’s the ultimate and that’s what we have unfortunately.”

Trump has said the same thing, that he has never heard of Category 5 hurricanes, at least four times over the last two years, including as recently as May.

FYI, Genius-Not Donnie, records show there have been 45 Category 5 hurricanes since you were born in 1946, and seven of those occurred since you’ve been the Oval Office Occupant.

In September 2017, Trump postulated about Hurricane Irma:  “I never never knew a Category 5 existed,” and then about a week later, when Hurricane Maria hit, he called it “a Category 5 storm, which literally never happens.” The self proclaimed genius seldom disappoints us with his intellectual ignorance.

At one point, Dorian was seemingly heading to Florida as a Category 5, with his beloved Mar-a-Lago directly in its path. Alas, it trashed the Bahamas and stalled long enough to be much less dangerous to his Florida playground.

David Simon, a former journalist for The Baltimore Sun and executive producer of HBO’s “The Wire” (2002-2008), used Twitter on Aug. 31, to express his desire that God use Hurricane Dorian to destroy Mar-a-Lago:


Simon wasn’t alone with his wish for the complete removal of the Trump cash cow.

Kim Campbell, Canada’s first and only female prime minister, wrote on Twitter Wednesday: “I’m rooting for a direct hit on Mar-a-Lago!” She later apologized. Uh, huh.

Certainly, no one wishes bad karma on Florida and other East Coast residents, but if by some quirky snarking that place were to be surgically removed by forces of nature . . .

6 thoughts on “Trump fights Mother Nature

  1. Where has this idiot been living? Not among the rest of we mortals.

    In his honor, we watched “Key Largo” and wished he were Johnny Rocco. But Edward G. was a GOOD man. A generous guy and a mentor to many immigrants to Hollywood from the old country, so perhaps that’s unfair to Edward G. even if he DID play Rocco.

    I loved the line “A hurricane is when the wind gets so strong it rises up and walks across the land.” We should have it made as a poster 0r maybe a golf shirt (?) for the Hizzoner. Sometime to remember those unheard of category 5 storms.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I bet that it took Donnie at least twenty minutes (and multiple copies of that map) to find and circle Alabama with his favorite Sharpie.
    Possibly the longest period of concentrated effort he’s ever given to his presidency.

    Thoughts and prayers for the people of Alabahamas.


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