While harried Shinbone Star staffers run around the newsroom trying to sort out the confusion, we wanted our readers to know the essential facts, that famed chickenhawk National Security Adviser John Bolton has just been shit-canned by none other than Cadet Bone Spurs himself.
It’s hard to know if this is a plus or a minus for the banana republic formerly known as the good old U.S. of A. Ordinarily we’d say the world can’t go wrong by being rid of Bolton, but when you consider just who it was doing the firing — again reportedly by tweet — it certainly gives one pause.
Just when we were gearing up for Trump to fire the head of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration for daring to contradict the president’s bogus weather forecasts, it’s Bolton who draws the black bean instead.
So, readers, help us out here, do we cheer or do we fear? We know you’re looking to us for answers and that we’re failing miserably to provide any, but we’re so confused!
Stay tuned to The Shinbone Star for all the latest developments while our crack team of national security analysts tries to sort this one out.