Trumplandia: July 4 — 11, 2020

The Don Father Edition


FiveThirtyEight Poll: 40.1% — down from 40.6% last week
Rasmussen Poll: 45% — up from 44% last week

ABC News/Ipsos Poll, 7/10/20 — Trump’s Handling of COVID — 67% Disapproval

Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all of the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about, but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our outdated political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.

So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:

In a Good Place

The week of our Trump — July 4, 2020: It has been something in the back of our minds since he was elected and something no one wants to admit: Donald J. Trump is a mobster and he is running our country like criminals of old ran a crime syndicate.

Part conman, part cult leader, part mob boss, Trump tells us when to jump and how high, and like some two-bit punk, we just allow him to get away with it, rendering our nation as no more a democracy than a dope house is to its owners.

It explains everything.

It explains the silence in the Senate when he flouts the rule of law. It explains his love of strongman leaders of autocracies. It explains his insistence that something as virulent as the novel coronavirus is behind us and that businesses and schools just have to deal with it and reopen, even as the daily infection rate in America topped 63,000 yesterday for the first time.

“We have to get back to business. We have to get back to living our lives. Can’t do this any longer,” Trump said during a June interview with Axios before his disastrous rally in Tulsa, Okla.

Then this week, he got cocky.

With more than 136,000 killed by COVID-19 since the outbreak began in February, and with uncontrolled spikes in Florida, Texas and Arizona, Trump went to his strongman playbook and told his followers that up was down and down was up.

Ignoring social distancing and never wearing a protective mask, Donnie Dimwit held two dangerous rallies — deemed “Super Spreader events” — to mark the birth of our democratic republic.


Holding the 7,000 person event at Mount Rushmore National Memorial in Keystone, S.D., on July 3 against advice of medical professionals and  the National Park Service, Donnie and Melania gave a mighty show of fireworks in front of the monument.

Sure people may get sick, dry brush could burn, but you’d better do what Donnie wants, and if somebody don’t like it . . .  fuck ‘em!

He hosted another event a day later, right on the White House lawn. The guests were generally more spread apart, but again maskless during a pandemic and not ordered to maintain social distance or attempt to protect themselves.

The disease has infected more than 3 million Americans and 12 million people worldwide. Now termed “the China Virus,” by the desperate Trump, he and his spokesman, Vice President Mike Pence have glossed over the terrifying numbers with more happy talk of a recovered economy, support among Republicans, lies about having the lowest death rate from COVID-19 in the world, and the need to reopen schools no matter what.

Trump also broke from longtime sage Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), who went off the reservation by telling the truth that those states with huge spikes in infection rates might want to halt their reopenings and “seriously look at shutting down.” Truth-telling is not in Trump’s playbook.

Fauci went on earlier in the week to suggest that the situation with coronavirus in the United States is “really not good,” and that action has to be taken to stop the spread of the contagion. “We are really knee-deep in the first wave of this,” Fauci said during an online chat.

Such sound and sober talk upset The Donald and just like in any mob movie, you just knew Fauci was going to get clipped.

Following up on his son-in-law’s earlier prediction that “we’d be rocking and rolling again by July,” Trump officially broke from reality and his infectious disease experts by saying the U.S. is in a “good place” in its fight against the virus. Speaking to Greta Van Susteren of the CW show “Full Court Press” on July 7, Trump said:

“Well, I think we are in a good place. I disagree with him. Dr. Fauci said don’t wear masks, and now he says wear them. I didn’t listen to my experts and I banned China. We would have been in much worse shape.”

Never pressed for specifics and again left to shape reality, Trump continued the push for schools to reopen in the fall despite the recommendations of the Center for Disease Control (CDC) then circled back to pop Fauci for not following along with his method of praying away the pandemic.

And then, having dispensed with reality and that loser Fauci, he was again like John Travolta in “Get Shorty” the guy telling us “how it is.”

“So we’ve done a good job.” Trump told Van Susteren. “In two, three, four weeks, by the time we next speak, I think we’re going to be in very good shape.”

Well, okay Don Father. Anything you say, Don Father.

Roger the Dodger No More


Just before press time last night, at about 8 p.m. EST, Trump did what many of us expected he would do by commuting the sentence of dirty trickster and good friend Roger Stone before the fruity fellow could be sent to prison next week.

Stone was expected to surrender to authorities on July 15, 2020.

Trump announced the move by signing an Executive Grant of Clemency, thus commuting Stone’s sentence.

Kayleigh McEnany, aka Bullshit Barbie, summed it up from her platform as White House press secretary:

“Roger Stone is a victim of the Russia Hoax that the Left and its allies in the media perpetuated for years in an attempt to undermine the Trump Presidency. Roger Stone has already suffered greatly. He was treated very unfairly, as were many others in this case. Roger Stone is now a free man!”

An exercise in abuse of power from the executive branch, Trump’s order is his latest attempt to discredit the investigation of Special Counsel Robert Mueller into Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential election, which stopped just short of stating that he broke the law.

Unprecedented in United States history, the move directly interferes with the sovereignty of our nation’s justice system. A jury found that Stone broke the law by lying and obstructing justice during the Mueller probe in November 2019. Stone served as a conduit between WikiLeaks, Russia and the president’s campaign after the Democratic National Committee (DNC) had its e-mail server hacked by the Kremlin.

Stone alleged juror misconduct and unsuccessfully tried to get his sentence of 40 months dismissed. He unsuccessfully appealed his sentence, but Trump took care of all that.

Stone was originally expected to report to prison on July 1, but was given a two week break due to the spread of the coronavirus. He was then expected to report next week but filed an emergency motion with the U.S. Court of Appeals in Washington to postpone his surrender date. That request was denied yesterday.

Howard Fineman of NBC News reported on his Twitter feed and in an opinion piece in the Washington Post that he had spoken to Stone, who said he did not want a pardon from Trump, but rather a commutation, because a pardon “implies guilt.”

Fineman tweeted, quoting Stone:

“He (Trump) knows I was under enormous pressure to turn on him. It would have eased my situation considerably. But I didn’t. They wanted me to play Judas. I refused.”

The exchange, which seemed to indicate that Stone indeed had something to reveal, highlighted what the Washington Post’s editorial board would term a “perversion of justice” and “one of the most nauseating instances of corrupt government favoritism the United States has ever seen.”

All in the Family


No, we’re not going to tell you television has recast the 1970s classic comedy starring Donald Trump as everyone’s favorite bigot, Archie Bunker, but this week was indeed an interesting one for the First Family.

Much of the headlines were dominated by the release of the book of Trump’s niece, Mary, which is due out next week after clearing several legal hurdles. Titled: “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man,” the tell-all book was written by Trump’s niece, who is a clinical psychologist.

In the book Mary Trump accuses her famous uncle of seeing cheating as a way of life.

However, the distant Trump had nothing on the president’s more immediate loved ones.

Kimberly Guilfoyle, the girlfriend and former mistress of Donald Trump Jr., kicked things off by announcing she had tested positive for the coronavirus just before the President’s Mount Rushmore fireworks extravaganza — no masks required.

In an e-mailed statement to Fox News, Sergio Gor, chief of staff to Trump Victory Finance committee stated:

“After testing positive, Kimberly was immediately isolated to limit any exposure. She’s doing well and will be retested to ensure the diagnosis is correct since she asymptomatic, but as a precaution, will cancel all upcoming events. Donald Trump Jr. was tested negative, but as a precaution is also self-isolating and is canceling all public events.”

Still trying to solidify that evangelical base for her future, cuckold-in-law, Guilfoyle said during an online interview for the campaign’s talk show, “The Right View,” that the COVID-19 diagnosis was “a blessing from God, that can help her understand what other people are going through.”

According to a report in Vanity Fair, news of Guilfoyle’s illness left more than one billionaire’s heart aflutter after many remembered she’d attended a packed, maskless party in the New York Hamptons on June 27, and another fund-raiser in Montana around the same time.

Held at the Bridgehampton home of billionaire developer Joe Farrell, several party guests had doctors scampering around Long Island last weekend to get tested.

According to the New York Post’s “Page Six” rumor column, Guilfoyle’s news momentarily halted the campaign of Rep. Greg Gianforte (R-Mt.), who is running for governor, after he remembered that his wife had attended the Montana fundraiser.

Meanwhile, in Slovenia, a wooden, chainsaw sculpture of First Lady Melania Trump was removed after it was vandalized outside her native hometown of Sevnica on the night of July 4th.

Carved by a local folk artist Ales Zupevc from the trunk of a living linden tree in honor of Melania, American artist Brad Downey, who commissioned the statue, said he ordered it removed after it was disfigured by fire. Downey said he was informed about the vandalism on July 5 and had the hunka-hunka burning wood removed.

The statue was painted with a pale blue wraparound coat resembling the one Mrs. Trump wore at the swearing in of her husband as the 45th president of the United States.

A similar statue, created from a much fatter tree and designed to resemble Donald Trump, was burned in the Slovenian city of Moravice in January of this year, according the CNN.

Two days earlier, the FLOTUS was mocked on Twitter for the unique Alexander McQueen designed dress she wore at the Mount Rushmore event. The white, $2,485 dress, which appeared to be adorned with scribbles, became its own little social media distraction with Twitter users writing that the frock looked as if it had a bad encounter with her husband’s Sharpie.

The comments recalled “Sharpiegate” the 2019 incident where President Trump used a Sharpie pen to alter an official map of Hurricane Dorian to fit one of his lies about the storm.

Days later, one of Trump’s other son’s, Eric, took to Fox News to feed his father’s narrative about the dangers of mail-in voting.

Eric Trump, the executive vice president of the Trump Organization, said Democrats are trying to promote voter fraud for the coming Nov. 3 election to cheat Dad out of a sure victory. The 36–year-old Trump appeared as a guest on Jesse Watters’ show, “Watters’ World,” on July 5:

“Voter fraud is real and it is absolutely happening every single day. And the Democrats don’t care,” said the usually quiet Eric with absolutely no corroborating evidence. “And the media wants to ignore it.”

Dim Eric’s appearance followed tweets from Daddy, who pointed to an alleged voter fraud scandal in New Jersey to prove his point. The alleged scheme in Paterson, N.J., led to four arrests on charges of fraud in May as part of a local city council election.

The New Jersey State Attorney General announced the arrest of the alleged perpetrators in late June and charged a sitting city councilman with fraud in casting a mail-in vote, unauthorized possession of ballots, tampering with public records and falsifying and/or tampering with records.

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