Trumplandia: September 26 — October 3, 2020

Oh Crap! Edition

FiveThirtyEight Poll: 44.1% — up from 43.2% last week
Rasmussen Poll: 46% – down from 52% last week

Harris Insights & Analytics Poll, Oct. 1, Biden 47%, Trump 40%

Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all of the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about, but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our outdated political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.

So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:

Instant Karma’s Gonna Getcha!

The week of our Trump — Sept. 26, 2020:  After almost four years of his mob boss application of democracy, and months of machismo, mask-less meetings without social distancing, many secretly hoped that Donald Trump would eventually get what some said was his “karma.”

This week, as it turned out, it was not karma, but instead it was the “cooties” of the day that eventually felled The Donald. Early on Friday morning the President disclosed that he and FLOTUS Melania were self-isolating in the White House due to catching the invisible enemy that he has openly bragged about battling since February and defeating in recent days.

Infected with the novel coronavirus or as we’ll call it, “the cooties,” U.S. President Donald J. Trump was evacuated from the White House on Friday around 6:30 p.m. EST and flown by Marine One to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., after testing positive for the virus.

The emergency trip followed an assuring, Trumper-ific video tweet by the commander-in-chief to let the nation know he was “okay,” but that held up his transport to the hospital for about an hour. Described as in good spirits before his transport, according to Fox News, Trump was hospitalized “out of an abundance of caution” and not any immediate health concerns from COVID, officials said.

Nonetheless, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said Trump would not be laid up for just a few hours, but for the next few days.

Trump, who has made fun of those taking precautions to protect themselves from contracting COVID and said the nation had “turned the corner” and that we had placed the contagion behind us as a nation, announced he contracted the virus just before 1 a.m. Friday.

His announcement capped off several wild hours when he learned his second favorite aide, Hope Hicks, was infected with corona after a horrific presidential debate that followed New York Times articles that painted him as a tax fraud.

It has not been the best of times.

In an environment where he is down in most national polls and fighting for his life in states he won easily in 2016, President Trump is finding it increasingly difficult to gain the upper hand on his Democratic opponent, “sleepy” Joe Biden.

Biden, a seasoned veteran of politics, has seemingly set a tone and is soundly thumping the real estate mogul turned reality star, turned President, across the board. Trump has pushed for a re-opening of schools and has attempted to ignore the impact of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over 210,000 Americans.

Nearly 45,000 new infections emerged just yesterday on the heels of the Trump announcement, with Wisconsin leading the way with 2,745 new cases.

Members of his campaign have stated that any day Trump can avoid talking about COVID is a good day. Well, the good times formally ended when he acknowledged catching the virus and possibly infecting all of his closest staffers.

In fact, the final blow came when the President returned to his golf resort in New Jersey for a fundraiser and reportedly appeared lethargic on October 1. Hours later he announced he and the First Lady were indeed infected with coronavirus.

Worse yet, at time of press, he’d possibly infected not only First Lady Melania Trump, but also Sen. Mike Lee, (R-Utah), Sen. Thom Tillis (R-N.C.),  his campaign manager Bill Stepien, former White House counselor Kellyanne Conway and RNC chairwoman Ronna McDaniel, who all tested positive for COVID.

Also infected was the president of the University of Notre Dame Rev. John I. Jenkins, who ignored CDC guidelines when he attended the White House Supreme Court nominee announcement for his pick to replace legendary Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

In addition, three Republican congressmen from Minnesota — Rep. Pete Stauber , Rep. Tom Emmer and Rep. Jim Hagedorn — were tested for the virus following exposure to Trump. All three have announced that they tested negative.

Donnie’s magic ride on the big whirlybird capped off a week of debate and bluster that ended with him catching the cooties after months of mocking all of those who attempted to protect themselves from the contagion.

Despite a recent rise in corona cases that came with the re-opening of schools, Trump’s supporters and high-level Cabinet members chose to ignore a path of caution and instead continued to recklessly amble down the primrose path with Trump.

As Donnie Dimwit loaded himself on a federal transport to take a ride to the hospital yesterday, the names of more and more of his usually mask-less sycophants may become a part of the bigger history.

Will You Shut Up, Man

The presidential election of 2020 kicked into full swing this week with a good ol’ fashioned debate between incumbent President Donald J. Trump and Democratic challenger Joe Biden.

Described by some as a “disaster” and a “shit show,” the initial presidential throw-down was most succinctly described as “a hot mess, inside a dumpster fire, inside a train wreck,” by CNN’s Jake Tapper. “That was the worst debate I’ve ever seen. In fact, it wasn’t even a debate, it was a disgrace.”


Given the tenor of what has been the shittiest year in collective memory, what else could we expect when two septuagenarians make history by running for our nation’s highest office during a pandemic that has already killed 210,000 mostly elderly people?

Held at the Case Western Reserve University and Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, the debate felt like the last vestige of the “Silent Generation” decided to duke it out one more time before giving everyone else the middle finger. Trump, 74, and 77-year-old Biden may be the two oldest men to run for the White House, but such a detail did not stop either from putting on what would be the most grotesque political debate in history.

Without the normal structure of past presidential political debates, Trump’s childish and amateurish antics on the debate stage ultimately forced the Commission on Presidential Debates committee to rethink how to hold future debates.

Rude and armed with a range of lies and fibs, the incumbent Trump attempted to badger the former vice president into submission by not allowing him to finish any of his thoughts and sentences, while also doing the same to the moderator, Chris Wallace of Fox News.

The tactic, apparently signed off on by Trump’s prep men, former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and  former GOP candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, largely backfired, leaving the belligerent Trump with only twisted facial expressions and one-liners packed with untrue alternate facts.

The debate was attended by a small crowd that included members of Trump’s family, who sat in the front row, but openly violated masking protocols and social distancing guidelines.

Guests were told to wear masks throughout the debate, but the rules were ignored by the Trumps. Even President Trump continued to flout health guidelines by not consenting to a temperature check at the venue because he arrived too close to the start of the debate.

Trump’s continuing to ignore health rules for COVID set the tone for the event, which appeared to expose the nation’s vulnerability to catching and spreading the disease due to ignorance as well as the polarized media environment in which we all live.

Whenever Wallace attempted to frame a concept or even ask a question, Trump would interrupt never stop talking after his answer and go into a tangent centering on his campaign points about a Biden that does not exist. Trump attempted to cast the lifelong politician as senile, a puppet of the radical members of the Democratic Party, and a failure at containing the Swine Flu, which killed more than 12,000 Americans in 2009.

All the while, Trump was outflanked by the seasoned politician, who seemed prepared and reminded him about the current pandemic, which has killed more than 210,000 Americans in roughly eight months under his leadership.

“It is what it is because you are who you are,” Biden told the small audience and the millions watching from their homes.

Trump attacked with the belief that more than 210,000 would have died without his leadership, a number he calculated would have been 2 million if Biden had been president when coronavirus hit the United States in February of 2020. He also hypothesized that Biden would not have been able to provide enough Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) or build enough ventilators if he had been in office when the virus hit.

Trump leaned in on his beliefs that Biden wanted to defund police and that wearing protective facial masks during the pandemic may not be as effective as people think. During what would become a prescient moment in the debate, Trump said he had a mask on his person, but he only wore it when he felt he needed it. He said during the debate it was not necessary because everyone had been tested, which was also not true.

“I don’t wear masks like him,“ Trump said making fun of Biden’s constant use of a facial mask in public. “Every time I see him he’s got a mask. He could be speaking 200 feet away and he’ll have on the biggest mask I’ve ever seen.”

Trump of course was hospitalized later in the week after contracting coronavirus.

At one point during the combative exchanges between the two men, Biden became frustrated with the non-stop torrent of comments from the president and coined the phrase that has since become a part of his campaign and marketed on t-shirts.

“Will you shut up, man?”

But the lowest point of the debate came when the orange dragon of the KKK openly refused to denounce white supremacist groups like his latest heart-throbs – the Proud Boys.

Wallace addressed Trump’s endorsement by white supremacist groups and wondered why the groups have never been condemned by the commander-in-chief. He asked Trump if he were willing to condemn white supremacists and militia groups and tell them to stand down.

Trump not only danced around the possible denouncement of white, race hate groups, but instead urged Biden to condemn groups he views as being equally as hateful on the left.

“Proud Boys need to stand back and stand by, but I’ll tell you what, somebody has got to do something about Antifa and the left because this is not a right-wing problem,” Trump said after asking Wallace to identify the group he wished him to condemn.

The statement served as a rallying cry for the far-right, white supremacist group. Group organizer Joe Biggs posted an answer to Trump’s statement, which he saw as a call to action.

“President Trump told the Proud Boys to stand by because someone needs to deal with ANTIFA…well sir, we’re ready!!”

Trump changed his tone the next day and claimed to not know anything about the group, which has been labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. He later told them to stand down during a press conference outside the White House and stated he always denounced white supremacists.

The president then again demanded Biden do something about Antifa, which is more of concept than an actual organized group of individuals. Wallace was maligned by members of the media for losing control of the debate and also maligned by Trump, who complained he felt like he had to debate both Biden and the Fox News anchor. Trump later said he was very disappointed in his favorite news network.

We’re Talking About Boys, Now

This week’s news cycle also featured two other proud boys — presidential sons Donald Jr. and Eric Trump.

Following in the steps of daddy, Donald Trump Jr. attempted to enlist an army of supporters to prevent Democrats from stealing the 2020 election from his Poppa.

President Trump has repeatedly pointed to voter fraud, despite having no concrete proof of such. He also has denounced mail-in ballots as being illegal and a method by which his opponents plan to steal the election by having illegal ballots cast or manipulated.

In preparation for a loss in November, Trump has told crowds of supporters that the only way he can lose an election is to have it stolen by illegal votes. Mail-in ballots are expected to be more prevalent this election season due to the outbreak of COVID, and Trump has called on people to vote in person, but also try to secure mail-in ballots to make sure the system was working. Such a pursuit is a federal offense. During the debate earlier this week, President Trump continued his misinformation campaign aimed at  imaginary voter fraud and again refused to clearly state he would accept a peaceful transfer of power should he lose.

Trump instead urged his supporters to go to the polls and watch people carefully, despite not being official poll watchers. His incendiary talk and crazy conspiracies impacted his oldest son and namesake to take it a step further and call  for the creation of an “army.”

Late last week Don-Don expanded on his father’s call to arms to racists by also enlisting the legions of armed Trump cultists to assemble and protect the ballots from Democratic theft.

Trump supporters have been seen outside of polling places in Virginia, where they’ve been accused of intimidating voters.

Bands of armed demonstrators who supported Trump and protested wearing masks showed up in force outside state capitols throughout the country this summer. Despite the obvious danger that could follow such a call to his base, Don Jr.’s call to arms had not gained a whole lot of media attention.

Trump Jr. appeared on a campaign website entitled and called for people to stop the “radical left” from stealing the election from his Dad. Don-Don urged people to visit the website and join the “army for Trump’s election security operation.”

The call to arms by Don Jr. has created a concern for some voters, who worry such reckless talk could mobilize some of his father’s supporters and potentially serve as a way to scare voters from participating in the democratic process.

“We need every able-bodied man and woman to join Army for Trump’s election security operation,” he said. “We need you to help us watch them.”

Meanwhile Eric Trump, who was gifted with his Dad’s gift of gaff, opened his stupid mouth and seemed to admit to joining an entirely different army with an entirely different battle front.

On Tuesday, September 29, Eric Trump found himself in the middle of a misunderstanding that had some believing he was coming out as a part of the LGBTQ community.

The 36-year-old Trump, who is married and thought to be heterosexual, appeared on his Dad’s favorite television “news” show – Fox & Friends — and appeared to state he was a part of the multi-sexual community after being asked a question about a New York Times story that focused on a contingent of gay staffers on Capitol Hill who worked for Republicans.

During the segment, host Ainsley Earhardt mentioned a Times op-ed written by a young lesbian who plans to vote for Trump in November. That was when Eric, being Eric, set off a firestorm of questions about his sexuality.

“Ainsley, that person’s there, I’m telling you I see it every day,” said Eric Trump in response. “The LGBT community, they are incredible. You should see how they come out for my father, every single day. I’m part of that community and we love the man.”

Eric went on to thank members of the LGBTQ community for protecting our neighborhoods and cities. Following the segment, people on social media wondered if President Trump’s middle son was trying to come out. The flap caused him to backtrack and clarify his sexual preferences.

Dumb Eric later said he was attempting to state the Democrats assumed all members of the LGBTQ community were liberal, and that he felt liberals took the support of from that community for granted. He went on to state he was not actually a part of the community, but was friends with members of that community and that he was no bisexual.

“As to me personally, as I think you know, I am a happily married man to my wife, Lara.”

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