Sign of the times: front lawn wars

Across America, the presidential election has become a very uncivil war.

With both sides dug in along political lines, neighborhoods have been transformed into battlefields, from the tony neighborhoods of the Houston suburbs to more rural landscapes of Missouri farmland.

One of the dirtiest presidential fights in U.S. history, incumbent President Donald Trump and challenger Joe Biden are engaging in an all out gutter brawl and they’re bringing us along for the ride.

With only 22 days left until the election, the only question left is how low will we go?

At The Shinbone Star, we’ve already been tarnished with by our own mudslinging, so one more dip in the pigpen feels natural. Our staff members have become so cynical that we’ve given up on courtesy during these trying times. In fact, a good many of us have joined the front lawn warfare.

Ornery and angry, we dig our trenches openly and battle all supporters of Donald Trump’s Evil Empire.

Yesterday, staff writer Nathaniel Helms learned that his shiny new Biden-Harris lawn sign was stolen by infidels while he was hospitalized, recovering from hip surgery:

“Three guys out of a black pickup truck stole our Biden sign while I was in hospital and my wife was away. Another ass-hat watched it go down and told my neighbor the next morning.”

Still in a lot of pain from his surgery, Nat asked if someone else could recount his story. We were happy to oblige our colleague, relating how cowardly Trumpers would steal from a Vietnam War veteran recovering from surgery.

Meanwhile, staff writer Denise Shabazz is also fighting a front lawn war with a neighbor:

”I guess my neighbor across the street got tired of seeing my Biden sign because the Trump-Pence sign came up today. It’s interesting as more Biden signs come up, the next couple of days the Trump signs come out.“

She later sneered at a local news story where neighbors from different political affiliations emerged from their bunkers to go to the polling place together.

“This ain’t me. Sorry.” Shabazz said.

When he’s not screaming at staff members to turn their copy in earlier for editing, staff writer Glenn Redus stays busy delivering Biden signs to his area of Virginia, sometimes returning to the same house to which he delivered a sign the week before:

“When I deliver a sign, I try to tell people to take their sign in at night because the Trump fascists like to holler about their rights being violated, but they sure don’t respect anyone else’s rights. Some people think I’m exaggerating, and sure enough, signs get stolen or vandalized by Trumpers and we try to replace them. We had one case where a little old lady had her sign slashed in half then deposited on her front porch for her to find. That’s not just vandalism, that’s intimidation.”

Even in New Jersey, a state Trump lost handily in 2016, Shinbone Star staff members are trying to read the tea leaves by reading the lawn signs.

Staff writer Anne-Marie has been keeping her eyes peeled:

“As part of an unscientific poll, I took a drive through an area of my Republican town that’s replete with horse farms and lovely estates. I saw one Trump sign and eight for Biden. Good omen?“

2 thoughts on “Sign of the times: front lawn wars

  1. That crap is why it took me weeks to get the courage to put a little Joe 2020 sticker on the back of my car window. I’ve had to see big ol’ Dump flags waving out of truck beds and on lawns every half mile to town. When Dump started making more gaffs, even more flags and Trump/Pence signs went up in some places (I’d hoped they would quietly disappear), but I said “screw it” and wore some of my Biden shirts around. The “Tweet less, listen more” shirt made a few cashiers snicker and smile, and at one place they said they liked it. Then the air changed the second a big guy with a MAGA hat walked in and she was hesitant to talk more with me. I felt bad for her, because I know she was stuck with these guys coming in and complaining and being all MAGA and she couldn’t respond because of the job (part of the reason I quit my own job, so sick of hearing it), which of course makes some of these guys think everybody else thinks like them, or else why wouldn’t they speak up?

    That intimidation factor’s what angers me the most. I can’t wear any of my political shirts to the polling place (rules and all last I checked), but I can only wonder just outside and a certain distance away how that circus is gonna show.

    Liked by 1 person

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