The Young and the Beautiful: Quarantine edition

There is great unrest in the Kingdom, as a plague has claimed many lives and caused economic distress. The King is being challenged for the crown, and some courtiers are starting to jump ship. In the midst of all this, our Young and Beautiful couple, Jerry and Ivy, resurface briefly from quarantine to ponder the future. Where are they? Still in a double-wide trailer in an undisclosed Red State, where men are men and masks are for wusses.

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Jerry: You seem pensive, my corrupt cupcake. Art thou mourning the closings of so many of the shops on the magical Isle of Manhattan, where you loved to gambol in younger days?

Ivy: Perhaps that is part of the reason for my mood. Or perhaps it is cabin fever, brought on by spending months in this god-forsaken trailer in the middle of an undisclosed Red State.

logoJerry: Did you say fever? I do hope you are not coming down with the Chinese pestilence that is plaguing the land.

Ivy: Have no fear. I am tested regularly, as you know, in case my royal father needs to summon me.  But have you not heard the latest fake news? The peasants are revolting!

Jerry: They’ve always been revolting. That’s why we stay far away from them. Thank Heaven that Walmart now delivers!

Ivy:  That is not what I meant. A trusted messenger with the cunning of a Fox has reliably reported that the peasants want to overthrow my royal father and install Sir Joe of Scranton in the White Palace. What is to become of us? When the peasants realize that we have looted the royal treasury, they will come after us with torches and pitchforks!

Jerry: But why are these wretched peasants so ungrateful after your royal father built the world’s greatest economy?

Ivy: They blame him for letting the plague run rampant, thus destroying the great economy he built. If only they had listened to him and ingested Clorox, their problems would be over. Instead, some of them listened to the evil Dr. Fauci and insisted on wearing masks in public and hoarding paper products. Somehow, they think this is my father’s fault.

Jerry: Can they not see he is a victim of circumstance? Why, he had the plague himself, as did the Lady Melania and the young Baron of Trump. What more proof do they need that he is one of them?  Do they not know that they can be easily cured of the plague by simply taking their private helicopter to a world-class hospital for treatment?

Ivy: Some of them have argued that they don’t have a private helicopter. Sir Joe and his sidekick, Lady Kamala, are stirring up the people’s resentment and urging them to turn out for the Battle Royale and defeat my father. Even if the Handmaiden Amy is placed on the High Tribunal, I am afraid there will be a coup.

Jerry: What then? Will there be a peaceful transition of power?

Ivy: We will see. Stand back and stand by, as my father says. Now, how about a cocktail? I could go for a  quarantini. With Russian vodka, of course.

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