As excruciating as was for Joe Biden and his family as they awaited those final vote counts before finally being named president-elect, it must have been doubly so for Donald Trump and family.
Consider all the unfinished business and decisions that must be running through his tiny brain:
- I’ve already hinted that if I lose the election I won’t leave the White House. Now that defeat is a reality, what will I do?
- I have my big beautiful wall, but it’s the one surrounding the White House. If I order a taco truck parked next to it, can I count that for the wall I promised on the southern border?
- I have my army of lawyers already at work trying to negate millions of votes, but who’s going to pay them? Not me!
- I have my Twitter account and a connection to angry, armed militia members. Do I rescind my order for them to stand down and standby, showing the world that I’m still commander-in-chief who can mobilize at least one armed force?
- I still have Fox News, my quasi-official State Media Voice. What can Sean Hannity do to help me reach Total Victory?
- I have my underground bunker that seems safe and secure. If I choose to fight it out to the death, how many Big Macs and orders of fries will I need to order now?
- I still have star power. Could I sell videos of myself with guns a-blazin’, while surrounded by Melania, Barron, Ivanka, Jared, Miss Lindsey and Moscow Mitch? It could be just like Butch and Sundance?! Would it be enough to boost my legal defense fund?
- I still have Air Force One available. Could I use it to fly myself and Ivanka to a new life together in the land of one of my despot friends? Would Russia be the best choice?
- What if I can’t hold out? What if instead of dying in a blaze of glory I actually get carried out strapped to a trundle? Can I still get Big Macs in the psych ward?