In the wake of defeat, decisions, decisions!

As excruciating as was for Joe Biden and his family as they awaited those final vote counts before finally being named president-elect, it must have been doubly so for Donald Trump and family.

Consider all the unfinished business and decisions that must be running through his tiny brain:

  • I’ve already hinted that if I lose the election I won’t leave the White House. Now that defeat is a reality, what will I do?
  • I have my big beautiful wall, but it’s the one surrounding the White House. If I order a taco truck parked next to it, can I count that for the wall I promised on the southern border?
  • I have my army of lawyers already at work trying to negate millions of votes, but who’s going to pay them? Not me!
  • I have my Twitter account and a connection to angry, armed militia members. Do I rescind my order for them to stand down and standby, showing the world that I’m still commander-in-chief who can mobilize at least one armed force?
  • I still have Fox News, my quasi-official State Media Voice. What can Sean Hannity do to help me reach Total Victory?
  • I have my underground bunker that seems safe and secure. If I choose to fight it out to the death, how many Big Macs and orders of fries will I need to order now?
  • I still have star power. Could I sell videos of myself with guns a-blazin’, while surrounded by Melania, Barron, Ivanka, Jared, Miss Lindsey and Moscow Mitch? It could be just like Butch and Sundance?! Would it be enough to boost my legal defense fund?
  • I still have Air Force One available. Could I use it to fly myself and Ivanka to a new life together in the land of one of my despot friends? Would Russia be the best choice?
  • What if I can’t hold out? What if instead of dying in a blaze of glory I actually get carried out strapped to a trundle? Can I still get Big Macs in the psych ward?

3 thoughts on “In the wake of defeat, decisions, decisions!

  1. More unfinished business: should I pardon myself or resign and get Mike Pence to pardon me?
    Should I move to a country that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.
    Will Russia extend my outstanding loans or will the Saudi Arabia bale me out?
    Will I have to sell Mar-a-Lago to pay for the loans that come due?
    Should I claim bankruptcy again?
    Will my orange jump suit match the colour of my face?

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