Knocked the F#@k Out Edition
A SPECIAL APPROVAL ALERT AT PRESS TIME:
Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where, with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.
So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:
A Total Loser!
The week of our Trump — Nov. 7, 2020: Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden became the apparent U.S. president-elect last week by soundly defeating Impeached President Donald J. Trump in the Electoral College and by more than 5 million in the popular vote.
The Associated Press formally named Biden the next president and Kamala Harris as the next vice president on Nov. 7. Biden, who captured more than 77 million votes and 306 Electoral College votes, is the second Catholic to win the presidency, and Harris is the first woman and also the first African-American and person of Indian descent to hold the vice presidency.
The win touched off another historic week in American politics where, for the first time, the lame duck president refused to allow his opponent to begin the transition process to the White House following an election. The “ascertainment” of new leadership in America has been a part of the peaceful transition of power since 1801 when the second President, John Adams, handed over the presidency to his political rival Thomas Jefferson without incident.
As will be his place in history, the undiplomatic former reality television star and real estate mogul ignored all past customs and instead pouted like a toddler when it appeared he would be voted out of office, but all votes had yet to be tallied. When news of the Biden/Harris win became a national headline, the defeated commander-in-chief was out golfing in Virginia, a state he lost.
Shortly after the Biden win was announced, the Trump legal machine kicked into overdrive, filing lawsuit after lawsuit to challenge election results, which this year included a large number of mail-in and absentee ballots, chiefly on the Democratic side.
Largely frivolous, many of the Trump election lawsuits hoped to find irregularities in the voting process and argued that “independent observers” who are not a part of the official election process should be allowed to watch poll workers do their jobs.
The most unfortunate part of the entire process allowed the president of the United States to openly question our free and open elections, the heart and soul of every functioning democracy. Then, in nearly seditious fashion, he continued to harangue the method by which votes are counted by calling it illegitimate in the places he lost but had expected to win.
Never conceding defeat, Trump spent the week by crowning himself the winner despite not earning enough votes. His supporters, family and the Republican congressional delegation continued the delusion by following Trump off a cliff and into a very deep river of denial.
Petty to the end, Trump even refused to allow a low-level staffer in charge of transition to do her job. The staffer, identified as Emily W. Murphy, was appointed by Trump as administrator of the General Services Administration. One of her primary functions is to recognize that the president-elect is affirmed by the current administration.
As part of the process, Murphy needs to sign a letter to release funds to pay for the newly elected president’s transition team — a process called ascertainment. The letter would mark the first time the Trump administration officially recognizes a Biden/Harris victory.
In the past, the General Services letter has been issued within hours of network projections that have traditionally named the winners of presidential elections. The process unlocks access to national security information and helps pay for background checks and training for incoming staff.
In their Nov. 8 victory speech in Wilmington, Del., Biden and Harris announced a push to unify the nation by rebuilding “the soul of America” and unfurled a plan to deal with the explosive spread of the COVID-19 that would be “built on a bedrock of science.”
Biden’s announcement came days before cases of the novel coronavirus in the United States passed the 11 million mark, with the nation’s daily number of infections breaking its own record for the 11th day in a row with more than 179,000 new infections yesterday. There were also more than 1,300 deaths attributed to COVID-19 yesterday, bringing the toll to just under 250,000 since February.
Biden has already begun naming people to a task force to deal with the pandemic. He named former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, former Food and Drug Administration Commissioner David Kessler, and Dr. Marcell Nunez-Smith, an associate professor of medicine and epidemiology at Yale University’s School of Medicine, to begin studying ways to slow the spread of the contagion.
Such was not the case for Trump, who sulked in his office, even abstaining from the normal use of his Twitter account. He finally and quietly participated in a Veterans Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia.
Trump is beset by a new explosive White House outbreak that is largely thought to have been touched off by his unsuccessful victory party in the East Room on Election Night.
Since the Nov. 3 soiree, those testing positive include: Chief of Staff Mark Meadows; HUD Secretary Ben Carson; senior campaign adviser Corey Lewandowski; Trump campaign adviser David Bossie; Nick Trainor, campaign battleground states director for Trump; White House political director Brian Jack; former aide Healy Baumgardner; Rep. Don Young, (R-Alaska), and possibly 100 members of the Secret Service.
Trump slithered from under his rock yesterday in an attempt to take credit for a vaccine that is reaching the end of clinical trials just in time for his departure from office. Continuing to add to his nonstop stream of lies and half-truths, Trump held a press conference in the Denuded Rose Garden of the White House where he falsely suggested the government’s Operation Warp Speed had funded research by Pfizer Inc.
Trump also returned to his xenophobic naming of the deadly virus the “China virus” and falsely claimed that Pfizer would ship its vaccine in a matter of weeks. In reality, Pfizer opted at first not to join Warp Speed and instead partnered with Germany’s BioNTech to begin developing the vaccine in March.
The pharmaceuticals giant later received $1.95 billion from the U.S. to supply 100 million doses. Pfizer officials said the next step will be to apply for am emergency-use authorization from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) later this month. Full FDA approval for the general public might not come until 2021.
“As a result of Operation Warp Speed, Pfizer announced on Monday that its China virus vaccine was more than 90 percent effective. This far exceeds any and all expectations — nobody thought they’d get to that level and we have others coming which we think will be at equal level — maybe more, if that’s possible. Pfizer said it wasn’t a part of Warp Speed, but that turned out to be an unfortunate misrepresentation. They are a part of it, that’s why they gave them the $1.95 billion and it was an unfortunate mistake they made when they said that.”
Trump also falsely suggested the state of New York would not immediately receive the vaccine because it would have to first be reviewed by state panels before it is made available to the public.
In our nation’s esteemed history, the peaceful exchange of power from one president to another is a hallmark of our democracy. When done properly and without delay, the defeated president remains in the White House and prepares for the transition of the incoming commander-in-chief as a matter of course. During those 78-days, the president is said to be a “lame duck” in that he cannot serve as president after the Jan. 20 inauguration.
So, what do you call a president who refuses to take part in the transition process and refuses to concede? For such a Trumpian occasion we’ve coined the term “lame dick.”
Neutered of power and surrounded by those who have not yet been felled by coronavirus, Trump this week mostly hid in the White House and let his legal team do the driving in a final push to somehow win an election that most feel has already been lost.
Trump’s legal team filed at least 21 lawsuits in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Nevada, Georgia and Arizona — states whose electorates elected the Biden/Harris ticket. His attempts to stop vote counting where it could pad a Biden lead — yet continue it in states where he was behind — caused his cult-like followers to hold rallies outside local election commissions.
In Michigan, which Trump lost by 150,000 votes, his lawyers asked a judge to block the state board of canvassers and Wayne County’s canvassing board from certifying election results if they contain fraudulent or illegally cast ballots. The lawsuit includes affidavits from more than 100 people claiming irregularities, from improper tabulation of votes to denying observers access to counts — but no evidence of any widespread fraud.
On Nov. 12, the Trump campaign filed for an injunction ordering a “brief pause” in the certification process in Pennsylvania so it could attempt to nail down a theory that election officials there had counted tens of thousands of invalid votes. The president’s attorneys also filed five other lawsuits in the Keystone State seeking to thrown out 8,329 mail-in ballots from Philadelphia County. Biden is the victor in Pennsylvania, where he bested Trump by 55,000 votes.
Yesterday, a Philadelphia court rejected five legal challenges from the president that alleged irregularities in the voting process.
The court stated that the Trump campaign:
“(was) not contending that there has been fraud, that there is evidence of fraud or that the ballots in question were not filled out by the elector in whose name the ballot was issued, and it further appearing that Petitioner does not allege fraud or irregularity in the canvass and counting of the ballots.”
The ruling is part of a trend that suggests Deceitful Donnie may have to ultimately accept that his time in D.C. is coming to a close. All week as legal challenges fell and vote totals for his opponent rose, Trump continued to fight election results, and is expected to call for recounts in several states, including Wisconsin and Georgia, where he lost by relatively slim margins.
Trump even tried to have it both ways when top administration officials in the Department of Homeland Security released a joint statement that the 2020 election was the “most secure” election in American history. Trump praised the report and gave credit to his administration although elections are run by the respective states and local election commissions, not by his administration.
Trump wrote on Twitter:
“For years the Dems have been preaching how unsafe and rigged our elections have been. Now they are saying what a wonderful job the Trump Administration did in making 2020 the most secure election ever. Actually this is true, except for what the Democrats did. Rigged Election!”
Unfortunately for Trump, the firm of Porter Wright Morris & Arthur, which he hired to fight voter fraud in Pennsylvania, withdrew from the case it filed yesterday, leaving Trump’s legal challenges to just one attorney in Pennsylvania, for now.
In Arizona, where Biden won by 11,000 votes, the Trump campaign dropped a lawsuit seeking to review ballots cast on Election Day once it learned that Biden’s thin lead could not be overcome.
Then it got worse.
The Washington Post reported that assistant U.S. attorneys assigned by Attorney General William Barr yesterday urged their sycophantic boss to rescind a recent memo after finding no evidence of substantial voter anomalies.
Barr had issued the memo authorizing prosecutors “to pursue substantial allegations of voting and vote tabulation irregularities prior to the certification of elections in your jurisdictions in certain cases.” In certain cases before results are certified.
The policy change worried DOJ officials who thought Barr’s directive was being used to cast doubt on the legitimacy of the 2020 election.
The Trump campaign’s efforts to overturn a democratic election began and ended with his personal attorney and “Borat” co-star Rudy Giuliani, who just last week joined with Eric Trump and supporters to draw attention to phantom voting irregularities in Philadelphia.
Speaking outside of voting commission offices, Giuliani gave no proof of the alleged voting fraud, but promised the election would be overturned and make Trump a winner.
Rudy then took his show on the road last week with a bizarre press conference outside a landscaping company in a North Philadelphia industrial park, located between a pornographic book store and a crematorium.
Gathered in a parking lot and in front of what appeared to be large garage door decorated with Trump/Pence paraphernalia, Giuliani launched his press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping complex.
Trump supporters who followed a presidential tweet announcing that the presser would be held at a popular hotel chain of the same name soon discovered that they were grossly mistaken. Amid the confusion, the hotel issued a 10:45 a.m. tweet of its own for clarity:
“To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping — no relations with the hotel.”
The New York Times reported the event was in fact supposed to be held at the landscaping company because it is owned by supporters, and the president misunderstood the name to refer to the hotel chain.
In a move that summed not only the misguided presser, but in some ways Trump’s election campaign and his unpredictable style, the event was upstaged by the national announcement of the Biden/Harris win.
It was a fitting end to the Trump presidency, and the internet has been laughing ever since.
Broadcasting Live from Earth 2!
Good morning supporters of Donald John Trump!
If you’re still drinking the Kool-Aid and own too much MAGA swag to turn back, no worries!
It appears the 45th president was formally re-elected to a second term, not here, but on Earth 2!
Brought to you from the alternate reality inside the muddled mind of Impeached President Donald J. Trump, there, you can continue to celebrate a Trump victory even though the race on Earth 1 was officially called for his opponent a week ago.
The video posted above is probably running in a loop on Earth 2. It shows The Donald’s face superimposed on a rising sun, along with what we believe is Bill Gates sprouting from a flower.
Running with the overworked theme of “Morning in America,” Team Trump went all out to own the Libs by producing this psychedelic dandy that looks like a bad acid trip.
The disturbing post that was intended for Facebook and later banned was supposed to be a way around the social media giant’s rules on political posts, but it never saw the light of day, except as part of a media report from CNBC.
Somewhere between his loss to Biden and his ensuing pout-fest and Twitter tantrum, Trump broke up with his main squeeze, Fox News. The roots of the feud go back months, to election polls from the Rupert Murdoch-owned news organization that projected Trump trailing Biden as early as May, but had reached camel-back-breaking levels by Election Night when the network pooped on Donnie’s party.
Since Fox called Arizona for his opponent, Trump has a new state-run propaganda provider — One America News Network — his new main squeeze.
Amid calls for his followers to abandon Fox, a desperate Trump has been relying on less than traditional sources to keep hope alive for his campaign.
According to an article he posted from thegatewaypundit.com, election night data has been found that shows Biden was the beneficiary of millions of votes that were switched from Trump to Biden. According to the post, a “reporter” from the site was shown evidence that 9,516 votes in Rock County, Wis., were switched due to a computer glitch.
The report suggests the alleged anomaly and another that showed nearly 10,000 switched votes would give Trump 19,032 votes in the Cheese Head state, and in doing so, give Trump the lead in Wisconsin and ultimately its 11 Electoral College votes.
The report alleges similar glitches in Pennsylvania, Michigan and yes, Georgia.
If that was not enough, Trump has continued to question the results and of course refuses to concede defeat.
Yesterday he tweeted:
“700,000 ballots were not allowed to be viewed in Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, which means, based on our great Constitution, we win the State of Pennsylvania.”
Like most of Trump’s tweets this week, it was marked with a note from the social media company questioning its validity: “Official sources called this election differently.”
“Differently” like on Earth 2!
Trump winning at this point might seem out of this world, but you’ll have one more chance to make contact. MAGA-wearing, flag-waving Trumpers are set to show their displeasure with the “stolen election” later today during the “March for Trump,” set for noon at Freedom Plaza in Washington, D.C.
He may still win!