A 2020 space fantasy: Let’s send Donnie and the entire family to Mars

A bat done made the world sick.
(with Donnie on the moon)
Now Covid’s spreading quick
(and Donnie’s on the moon)
I can’t pay no doctor bill.
(but Donnie’s on the moon)
Ten years from now I’ll be paying’ still.
(while Donnie’s on the moon.)

Not Gil Scott-Heron

If you’re like me, you’ve been laser focused on the terrestrial concerns of our planet these past few weeks.

A global pandemic is spreading across the land and a lingering threat to democracy is in the White House, and that threat — none other than Donald J. Trump — seems like he doesn’t want to leave.

So pardon me if I missed that SpaceX and NASA launched another ship into the heavens two Sundays ago. The Dragon capsule, “Resilience,” launched Nov. 15, its four astronauts embarking on a mission to the International Space Station, something Americans have not done since 2011.

Astronauts Victor Glover Jr., who is the first African-American astronaut to live on the Space Station; Michael Hopkins and Shannon Walker of NASA; and Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency astronaut Soichi Noguchi launched from NASA’s Kennedy Space Center in Florida as part of a fully automated liftoff. They reached their destination on Nov. 16 at 11 p.m. EST as part of a mission that will keep them in orbit until spring.

It’s the second mission carrying astronauts for SpaceX, and the first time Elon Musk’s firm has sent a full crew to stay at the space station. A two-pilot test flight that launched earlier this year lasted only two months.

As one of the only people not wondering when and if Impeached President Donald Trump would concede, Ivanka Trump was all over the launch and swiftly took to Twitter to gobble down those last precious drops of goodness from her own four-year odyssey as a member of America’s “first family.”

The president’s “confidential aide” praised the SpaceX crew, and of course took credit for the public/private corporate venture. She praised her lame-duck Daddy and branded the whole thing Trump before overshooting the moon and casually tossing in a yet-to-be-realized trip to Mars for good measure.

Over-speculation has always been part of the Trump brand, and due to laws that have never made them pay for their excesses, they do it even in retreat. History will very possibly mark Trump as the worst chief-executive America has ever seen, but far be it from him and his family to exhibit a shred of humility — it’s just not in their “very good” genes.

Then, during my brief moment of anger over the vapid tweets of the towheaded daughter/wife, came an epiphany, I suddenly began to dream big, too.

I know how to get rid of Trump. Let’s launch him into space!

While SpaceX is doing what they do, maybe the American people could pitch a great new show for Trump’s rumored new network. Musk and SpaceX could create the best spinoff of all time! Send The Donald and his brood star into orbit for a new reality show, “The Trumps — Lost in Space.”

Could there be a better way of getting rid of them?

I can just see it, a Team Trump friendly astronaut takes the former first family on a trip to the stars. From the dramatic liftoff to the MAGA-decorated space uniforms, the trip to the space station would be the best sendoff ever. In fact, it would be “yuuuuge!”

A blastoff like that could bring the country together and make everyone happy. Trump would finally be the great unifier!

Hordes of formerly beleaguered Trumpers would be happy as they chant three-word phrases like: “Launch the Trumps!” They could wave MAGA flags in support of their hero as he flies off into space. They could shoot off their guns and gaze at the stars while waiting for the best flyover ever.

For #45, he would again be the center of attention and the biggest thing in the news cycle while he and his loved ones make history.

And for us haters, he’d really be gone. Gone out of this friggin’ world!

Maybe the Trumps will even decide to head on to Mars — they don’t call it the “red planet” for nothing!

Think of the ratings if something goes awry on the way there, when the SpaceX capsule falls off the radar and the Trumps, like the Swiss Family Robinson and the television Robinson family are lost in space, but are somehow able to linger on our television screens until their oxygen runs out.

We wouldn’t need to add an evil castaway like Dr. Zachary Smith, we’d let Jared be the stowaway. And evil? We’ve got it in spades with the most hated man in the universe as the star of our little reality show.

Oh, dear! Oh dear!

And . . . spoiler alert . . . in the last episode, they’d be rescued by Russian cosmonauts and could blame the whole thing on Sleepy Joe or maybe even Hunter Biden and Burisma!

Yes, a show like that would be one small step for America and a giant leap for mankind.

3 thoughts on “A 2020 space fantasy: Let’s send Donnie and the entire family to Mars

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