Even accounting for the fact that my country is led by a flaming dick like none the world has ever seen, that headline in our sister paper, The New York Times, is one I thought I’d never see.
Let’s break it down because even after sitting in front of the television all day and watching it in real time, I’m still not quite grasping it.
The president of the United States — that’s Trump — stood before a mob of mutant morons and repeated for the umpteenth time that the November presidential election was rigged and that he won by a landslide, even though he got something like 7 million fewer votes.
Trump was cheated, see, even though nobody can quite find any evidence.
Then the president told his people that they really needed to march their asses down to the Capitol where his own vice president, Mikey Pence, was presiding over a joint session of Congress to ratify the Electoral College results. Mikey could put an end to “the steal” if only he’d “do the right thing,” Trump said, even though Pence, by law, could not actually do what Trump said.
But wait a minute!
The mob was then told that a constitutional scholar had been consulted and that as it turned out, Mikey really could throw out all those pesky votes and declare Trump the winner! But alas, Trump said, Mikey was just too much of a nancy-boy to pull it off (okay, if we’re being honest, most of us already knew that).
So, what’s left but for the mob to storm the castle? Trump told them they needed to go fight for their country, and boy did they listen!
You know what happened next, right? Of course the whole universe knows by now so I’m not going to bother recounting the whole sad, embarrassing, violent, treasonous riot. Instead, I’m going to tell you something else I thought I’d never see: another story written by me appearing in The Shinbone Star.
Yep, I thought I’d already delivered my swan song when I wrote back on November 10 that my job here was done, though I’d stick around long enough to edit and provide morale-boosting speeches to the staff.
But tonight as I write this — bleary-eyed from seeing too many things I hoped never to see — I suddenly knew I wasn’t done. Couldn’t be, not after this. And what I need to tell you is that our nation can no longer wait — Donald Trump must be removed from office now, today! January 20 might seem close, but it’s still too far.
I don’t understand the hold Trump has on people, but I’m sure folks wondered what everybody saw in Hitler back in the day. Can’t explain it, but we’ve seen — and not for the first time — this man’s ability to wind people up and set them off on an insane, deadly march.
I’m really tired of hearing politicians — both Democrat and Republican — stand up in front of the American people and say, “This is not who we are. We are better than this.”
Shut the hell up!
Nope. What we saw yesterday is EXACTLY who we are, and it’s time we owned it. And it will continue being who we are until we do something about it, and removing Donald Trump from office is the right place to start.
The man just started a riot, for chrissakes, and directed it against his own government! He wants to destroy democracy! He wants to be dictator for life! And even after all that, he’s still sitting in the Oval Office . . . with the nuclear codes!
I’m not naive enough to think that getting rid of Trump will cure everything, but it would be one heck of a start. Removing him with just 13 days left in his toxic tenure might not be much, but in one regard it would be everything: it would show the word that at long last, we tried. Maybe it took us four interminable years minus 13 days to finally get it right, but it would show the world that eventually we did it, and that would be huge.
Yeah, Joe Biden’s coming soon, but I want to show the world that even more than voting Trump out, we decided to yank him out, just like the rotten tooth that he is.
C’mon, politicians, you have to do this, for us! You have the 25th Amendment, so use it! The Republican Party could recover a whole lot of cred (well, maybe not that much, but it’s a start) if it would act to slay its own monster.
But in my heart of hearts I don’t think it will happen. Why? Because doing the right thing is no longer who we are.