Theater of the Absurd Edition
APPROVAL ALERT AT PRESS TIME:
FiveThirtyEight Poll: 42.5% — down from 42.7% last week
Rasmussen Poll: 47% — down from 50% last week
Welcome to Trumplandia, a place where with a bit of wit and snark, we keep the world caught up on all of the tasty Nuggets-O-Trump you may have heard about but were too busy to care. Because most of this minutia occurs just below the massive headlines about the POTUS, it’s in a land of its own. Here, an infusion of social media, video clips and print media meld with our outdated political views to make more delicious “Fake News” about our Commander-in-Chief.
So just like the president, we start it all with a little tweet like this:
Oh, But His Optics
The week of our Trump — July 20, 2019: During a week filled with televised images, including that of former Special Counsel Robert Mueller appearing before Congress, it was obvious that the boob tube would be the star in this week’s recap.
First Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy.) and White House ghoul Stephen Miller did the Sunday morning news show circuit, telling us that the president’s demand that Congress people of color go back to the countries of their ancestors wasn’t racist. Then Rudy Giuliani, the president’s attorney, went on a radio show to warn Mueller that appearing before Congress on television was a bad idea.
But with a former reality television star as a president, we know TV is good. After all, he watches hours and hours of it every day. Still, with a full day of televised testimony from Mueller to watch, it was surprising all the things our Stable Genius missed.
He apparently didn’t know that he wasn’t exonerated and that it’s un-American to not report help from a foreign adversary when running for president. It was also news to him that telling the White House counsel to create false memos, or trying to fire the investigator investigating you is a crime.
You’d certainly think that lying about all of that, then having the former head of the FBI say that you worked to obstruct the investigation, and that if you weren’t president you’d be in jail, couldn’t possibly equal “a good day,” right?
Well, very much to our surprise the Stable Genius knew none of those things and continued to repeat his pre-Mueller appearance chant of “no collusion/no obstruction.”
In fact, dum-dum Donnie was so dense he danced another victory dance on the South Lawn as if he hadn’t heard a moment of Mueller’s testimony. He then lamented the end of the Democratic party — AGAIN — and declared discussions of his impeachment a thing of the past.
What was he watching? Probably Fox News, which along with Republican legislator after Republican legislator said almost in unison that the hours of damning testimony against Trump was a disaster and that all Russian interference into our elections was a hoax, even though the Ruskies are still meddling as I write this piece. It was absurd.
Somewhere along the way, The Donald even thanked Democrats for holding the “disastrous embarrassing” hearings. He wrote off the entire two-year investigation, again labeling it a witch hunt despite the 34 guilty pleas and its call to halt the ongoing assault on our election system.
While Trump bent and shaped the reality of the moment, his GOP colleagues and the media built the rest of the narrative by focusing on Mueller himself, who perhaps was not as sharp as the younger G-man they knew from the past. Despite some stumbles, Mueller stuck to his pledge of only speaking about the report on Russian Interference despite an unrelenting assault from Republicans.
They attempted to spin a Deep State narrative about the report, only to be met with non-answers from Mueller. As the hearings faded into night the media picked up the baton, and while not denying any of the disturbing facts laid out during the hearings, said Mueller was a victim of “bad optics.”
Most in the “lame-stream” media followed the president into a fact-less void, focusing on Mueller’s appearance while delivering the damning information on Trump’s behavior. The talking heads questioned Mueller’s competence, age and mental health. They said the hearing had turned Mueller’s report into a bad movie, “a bomb that would go straight to DVD.” They apparently missed the fact that Mueller was forced to clarify the contents of his report because Trump-friendly U.S. Attorney William Barr had misled the public about its contents, falsely stating that the report exonerated the president and that there were no conclusions of obstruction.
Despite his “performance,” Mueller proved Barr’s summation was a lie and that Trump attempted to obstruct the investigation almost a dozen times, something that would land anyone other than him in prison.
Seal of Approval?
Trump served as keynote for the July 23 conservative summit for students and evidently appeared before a faux presidential seal for a hot minute. The fake seal was projected on a screen behind the president as he spoke at the Turning Point USA Teen Summit in Washington D.C., which was jam-packed with young Trump supporters.
Marked by fiery political rhetoric and lies, Trump incorrectly claimed that four congressional Democrats had used the slur, “evil Jews,” and claimed that voting in California was rigged against him, invoking more false tales of voter fraud.
His lies and propaganda charged the crowd, which responded with standing ovations and chants.
Turning Point USA is billed as the largest group of college Republicans, with more that 1,000 chapters across the country. The Donald praised the young Trumpers as being part of a movement that reclaimed their future. He said that vision included rebuilding the country, restoring its destiny and “renewing the values that are the true source of American GREATNESS!”
But whoops, it was later revealed that during his campaign-style speech, Trump had appeared in front of a seal that mimicked the Russian coat of arms. The image featured a two-headed eagle clutching golf clubs, and it was lifted and doctored from the Russian Federation’s coat of arms. The normal “E Pluribus Unum” had been replaced by a Spanish phrase: “45 Es Un Titere,” which translates as “Trump is a puppet.”
The image, was allegedly created by graphic designer Charles Leazott, a staunch pre-Trump Republican and open critic of the president. A source told CNN, however, that the image was a mistake and most likely the result of “the pressure of the event.”
An entrepreneurial website, inktale.com, soon offered the image for sale on various items including: t-shirts, mugs, and tank tops.
According to CNN, Leazott said the image was “a petty piece” he created after the 2016 presidential election and was “just a goofy thing” some of his friends knew existed on the internet. He added that the image probably had to be specifically searched for, and that whoever managed to project behind Trump is his “absolute hero.”
That person was summarily fired by Turning Point USA.
Family Affair
The week also gave us a peek into the Trump Family, with members making unforgettable cameos in the wake of the president’s own television special.
On July 23, Ivanka Trump, the first daughter and confidential aide to the president, received an impromptu lesson in civics and geography when she attempted to play diplomat from the safety of her cell phone.
Ivanka, who had literally just returned from the G20 Summit, welcomed Boris Johnson as the next Prime Minister of “the United Kingston.” Her tweet was sent at 8:06 a.m. EST, just moments after the Conservative Party leader was confirmed.
The gaffe came almost a month after her father mistakenly referred to Prince Charles and the “Prince of Whales” during a state visit. Ivanka’s mistake led to an uproar on social media where she was trolled for the faux pas. Hours later, at 3:01 p.m. EST, she laughed off the mistake with a smiley face emoji and flags of the U.K. and Jamaica with the phrase: “The perils of autocorrect!”
But because nothing defines the Trumps better than the vapid stupidity and inappropriate behavior of older brother Donald Trump Jr., he just had to join in on the fun during the Mueller hearing, re-tweeting the words of right-winger Dinesh D’Souza that rhetorically asked whether “the Republicans have kidnapped the real Robert Mueller and substituted a mentally retarded look-alike in his place?”
D’Souza, you will recall, was pardoned by Trump last year after pleading guilty to violating campaign finance laws in 2014. He had been indicted earlier in the year for using illegal donations for Republican Senate candidate Wendy Long in New York.
Don Jr. added commentary to D’Souza’s tasteless tweet, pondering why the decorated U.S. Marine did not answer questions about Fusion GPS and its role in creating an opposition research dossier that was cited in Mueller’s report. He obviously missed the opening remarks at the hearing when Mueller again stated that he wouldn’t comment on ongoing investigations or on things outside of his report.
Don-Don’s name is actually contained in the report for his role in setting up the meeting with Russian officials who hoped to share negative information on then-candidate Hillary Clinton. Although Junior lied about the intent of the meeting, the attendees, and had Daddy write a false explanation about it, he was deemed by Mueller to be too stupid to have actually conspired with the Kremlin to coordinate an attack on the election, which Daddy won.
Not embarrassed and as inappropriate as a gold plated toilet bowl, just yesterday Don-Don doubled-down like Daddy, stating on Twitter:
“Like the rest of the Russia hoax it’s obvious Mueller himself was just part of the illusion, a figurehead that would be hard to attack who could sell the Democrats narrative effectively.”
Rounding out Trump Family Hour, First Lady Melania Trump spent her time constructively while the former special counsel revealed the lies, deceit and obstruction involving her husband.
Sure, the nation had just survived a triple-digit heatwave, but for the FLOTUS it’s always Christmas!
Known for her elaborate Yuletide decorations, Mrs. Trump met with staffers about the fabrics she plans to use during next December’s proceedings. Lady Melania, of course, tweeted out pictures of her day, providing a cooling counterpoint to the hot sidewalks and hotter congressional hearing rooms of Washington D.C.
THE SHINBONE STAR 